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  • 雅思小作文

    雅思小作文
    這是劍橋4test2的小作文
    The garph shows in England, the trend of typical daily demand for electricity both in summer and winter whereas the pie chart illustrate different kinds usage of the electricity.
    Overall, the electricity demand in winter is twice times as much as the demand in summer. Moreover, the largest portion of electricity usage is heating room and heating waters, which means the reason why electricity demand in winter is much higher. In addition, between 6am and 9am, which is the lowest electricity usage in a day. However, at around 22am, the electricity demand is approaching to the maximun in a day.
    We can easily find in the usage of electricity, lighting TV, radio and vaccum cleaners, food mixer, electric tools is the same about 15%. Furthermore, the usage of ovens, kettles and washing machines is nearly the same at around 17.5%.
    In conclusion, England people need a lot of electricity to heat when in winter
    不知道雅思作文會(huì)怎么打分,想請(qǐng)教一下這樣寫會(huì)有幾分好讓我心里有個(gè)底.謝謝老師了!
    其他人氣:160 ℃時(shí)間:2020-05-06 19:42:21
    優(yōu)質(zhì)解答
    4.5到5分左右.結(jié)構(gòu)把握的還可以,但是你重要的thesis(概括你文章主要內(nèi)容的句子,第一段的最后一句話)沒有寫肯定會(huì)影響分?jǐn)?shù)的.
    其他問題:
    1.如樓上所說,語法比較混亂.比如第一句話,"in England"放的位置不對(duì),表達(dá)過于中式話.
    2.雅思小作文的一個(gè)得分點(diǎn)在你把重要的數(shù)值羅列出來,這篇作文里太少了.比如“the largest portion of electricity usage”后面可以打括號(hào)或者用其他方式表現(xiàn)具體數(shù)值.
    3. 如果分?jǐn)?shù)想提高需要擴(kuò)展詞匯量.
    我來回答
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