1.快樂(lè)無(wú)處不在.
Seen on the bathroom walls of Concordia University: 'Ignorance is bliss.' and right underneath it... 'I don't know what this means but I'm happy.
Concordia大學(xué)衛(wèi)生間的墻上寫著：“無(wú)知是福“,正下方寫著：“我不知道這是什么意思,但我很高興”.
2.結(jié)婚的結(jié)果還是不錯(cuò)的.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy, if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
想辦法結(jié)婚吧,如果你找到一個(gè)好妻子,你會(huì)幸福的,如果找了一個(gè)惡老婆,你會(huì)成為一個(gè)哲學(xué)家.
3.信心很重要.
The happy idea that one Englishman can beat three Frenchman, encourages, and sometimes enabled, one Englishman, in reality, to beat two.
“一個(gè)英國(guó)人能夠打敗三個(gè)法國(guó)人”這種快樂(lè)的觀念鼓勵(lì)著英國(guó)人,有時(shí)侯能夠使一個(gè)英國(guó)人實(shí)際上打敗兩個(gè)法國(guó)人.
4.任何事情都可以讓人高興.
I’m delighted to find that after all these years my tennis game has not deteriorated.[退化] It’s just as bad as before.
我很高興這些年我的網(wǎng)球技術(shù)沒(méi)有退化,還象以前那么臭.
5.不該激動(dòng)時(shí)不要瞎激動(dòng).
A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"
"No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."
一個(gè)雄性小青蛙打通心靈熱線,他的私人心理咨詢師告訴他,“你將遇到一個(gè)年輕美貌的女孩,她想知道你所有的事情”.
小青蛙很激動(dòng),“太棒了,我會(huì)在晚會(huì)上遇見她嗎”?
“不,在她的生物課上”.
6.終于逃離了父母的嘮叨,朋友的騷擾,太自由了.
Think how it must feel to be alone in New York, without a friend or relation at hand, with no one to know or care what to do. It must be great!
想一想一個(gè)人在紐約是什么感受,身邊沒(méi)有一個(gè)親戚朋友,沒(méi)有人知道你做什么,也沒(méi)有人關(guān)心.那肯定太棒了!
場(chǎng)景再現(xiàn)：身在異鄉(xiāng),獨(dú)自一人的感受.
7.別人意外發(fā)現(xiàn)自己做了好事.
The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good deed anonymously, and then have it found out by accident
最愉快的事兒是偷偷做好事,然后偶然被發(fā)現(xiàn).
8.人的一生要經(jīng)歷很多瞎高興.
A weary hiker stumbled upon another hiker deep in the North Woods. “Am I ever glad to see you,” said the hiker. “I've been lost for three days.”
“Don’t be too relieved,” answered the second hiker. “I’ve been lost for three weeks.”
一個(gè)疲憊的野游者在森林深處遇到另一個(gè)野游者,他說(shuō),“非常高興遇見你,我已經(jīng)迷路三天了”.
“別太放松了,”第二個(gè)野游者回答,“我已經(jīng)迷路三個(gè)月了”.
9.丑和美沒(méi)有絕對(duì)的界限.
Ugliness is a point of view: an ulcer is wonderful to a pathologist.
丑陋是一種觀點(diǎn),潰瘍對(duì)病理學(xué)家是美妙的東西.
10.免費(fèi)的晚餐讓你高興.
Hasn't this been just a wonderful evening? The setting, the music, the program ____ and the dinner was served just the way I like it ____ free.
難道這不是一個(gè)美好的夜晚嗎?這布景、這音樂(lè)、這節(jié)目 ——晚餐的供應(yīng)方式也是喜歡的那種——免費(fèi)的
11.樂(lè)觀的態(tài)度.
Dad: What is the meaning of this F on your report card?
Junior: Fantastic?
爸爸：你成績(jī)單上的F是什么意思?
Junior：棒極了!
12.自我感覺(jué)非常良好的樂(lè)觀主義者說(shuō)：
When I’m good I’m very, very good --- but when I’m bad I’m better.
當(dāng)我感覺(jué)好時(shí),我非常、非常好——當(dāng)我感覺(jué)不好時(shí),我比較好.
13.多看事情好的一面.
It was said President Ford gave American three years of good government and eight years of comedy [喜劇] material.
據(jù)說(shuō)總統(tǒng)福特給了美國(guó)三年的好政府和八年的喜劇素材.
注：諷刺福特總統(tǒng)任職8年鬧了很多笑話.
14.雖然空氣污染這么厲害,也還是活著好.
Twilight was descending over Beijing …“How good it was to be alive,” I thought, inhaling deep lungful of carbon monoxide.
微光正降臨洛杉機(jī)……活著真好,我想,深深地吸了一口一氧化碳.
15.保持心情愉快,不怨天尤人.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.
笑,別人和你一起笑；打呼嚕,你獨(dú)自睡覺(jué).
16.吃飯就是一種享受.
We're talking about a fellow who really enjoys his food. I mean, who else carries around a picture of a refrigerator in his wallet?
我們正在談?wù)撘粋€(gè)真正把吃飯當(dāng)成享受的人,別人誰(shuí)的口袋里老是裝著冰箱的照片呢?
注：冰箱里放這肉包子、油條,還有半碗剩豆?jié){.
17.樂(lè)觀的態(tài)度.
Ronnie: Is your new hunting horse well behaved?
Johnnie: He certainly is. He has such good manners that when we come to a fence, he stops and lets me go over first.
Ronnie：你的新獵馬表現(xiàn)得好嗎?
Johnnie：非常好.他風(fēng)度很好,我們到柵欄時(shí),他就停下讓我先過(guò)去
18.樂(lè)觀地看待堵車.
We’re lucky we have an apartment. If we lived in our car, we'd be home by now.
幸運(yùn)地是我們還有房子住,我們?nèi)绻≡谄嚴(yán)?現(xiàn)在就到家里了.
19.樂(lè)觀地看待肥胖.
I have flabby[松弛] thighs[大腿], but fortunately my stomach covers them.
我大腿很松弛,但幸運(yùn)得是被我的肚子蓋住了.
注：眼睛向下看不見大腿,只能看見肚子.
20.樂(lè)觀地看待禿頂.
Frankly, I never considered myself bald until I went to a formal dinner and bent over to pick up a napkin. The woman next to me looked down at my head, turned to the waiter and said, “No melon, thank you.”
坦白說(shuō),我從不認(rèn)為我禿頂,直到有一次我去一家正規(guī)的餐廳,彎腰撿餐巾時(shí),挨著我坐的女人低頭看著我的腦袋,轉(zhuǎn)向服務(wù)員說(shuō),“不要瓜,謝謝你”.
注：錯(cuò)把禿頭當(dāng)成了瓜.
21.樂(lè)觀的藝術(shù)家.
The neighbors love it when I play the piano. They break my window to hear me better.
鄰居非常喜歡聽我彈鋼琴,他們?yōu)榱寺牭酶媲写蛩榱宋业拇白?
22.有進(jìn)取心的樂(lè)觀主義者.
I'm basically an optimist. I'd say the glass is half full. But I'm gonna find out who drank the other half and will sue his ass all the way up to the Supreme Court. So it’s safe to say I’m an aggressive optimist.
我基本上是個(gè)樂(lè)觀主義者.我會(huì)說(shuō)杯子是半滿的.但我要找出是誰(shuí)喝了那半杯,并控告他直到最高法院.所以可以說(shuō)我是個(gè)有進(jìn)取心的樂(lè)觀主義者.
注：悲觀主義者和樂(lè)觀主義者看事物的態(tài)度不同,如果有半杯水,樂(lè)觀主義者說(shuō)那杯水是“半滿的”,悲觀主義者說(shuō)那杯水是“半空的”.我們不但認(rèn)為那杯水是“半滿的”,還非要找出誰(shuí)喝了那半杯水,很有進(jìn)取心.
23.Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老師:為什么你每天早晨都遲到?
湯姆:每當(dāng)我經(jīng)過(guò)學(xué)校的拐角處,僦看見一個(gè)牌子仩寫著"學(xué)校----慢行".
24.Let me take it down
An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
為我所用
一頭大象對(duì)一只小老鼠說(shuō)：“你無(wú)疑是我見過(guò)的最小、最沒(méi)用的東西.”
“請(qǐng)?jiān)僬f(shuō)一遍,讓我把它記下來(lái).”老鼠說(shuō).“我要講給我認(rèn)識(shí)的一只跳蚤聽.
25.But the teacher cried
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
可是老師哭了
六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng).他的父親知道這一點(diǎn),可他的祖父母仍然寵著他.這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母.他想要什么不是哭,就是鬧.他第一天上學(xué)才離開祖母的懷抱.
約翰放學(xué)了,他奶奶在門口接他并問(wèn)道：“學(xué)校怎么樣?你過(guò)的好嗎?哭了沒(méi)有?”
“哭?”約翰問(wèn),“不,我沒(méi)哭,可老師哭了.”
26.Coincidence
A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and criticized the singer.
"What a terrible voice!" he said. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes," was the answer. "She is my wife."
"Oh, I beg your pardon." The man said, "Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song."
"I did." was the answer.
巧合
一位女士正在唱歌.一位客人轉(zhuǎn)身對(duì)他旁邊的男士批評(píng)道：
“多難聽的嗓音!”他說(shuō),“你知道她是誰(shuí)嗎?”
“知道,”男士回答,“她是我太太.”
“噢,請(qǐng)你原諒.”客人說(shuō),“當(dāng)然,她的嗓音并不壞,但那歌實(shí)在太差了.我想知道那是誰(shuí)寫的歌.”
“是我.”男士回答道.
27.Improvement
One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."
進(jìn)步
一位學(xué)生對(duì)另一位說(shuō)：“你的英語(yǔ)最近學(xué)的怎么樣?”
“很好,我過(guò)去不懂英國(guó)人說(shuō)話,可現(xiàn)在是英國(guó)人不懂我的話了.”
28.A New Drug 一種新藥
Jack:I have invented a new drug which could kill lice effectively.
Tom:That's wonderful. How is it used?
Jack:When you catch a louse, just put a little of that drug on its mouth and it will die immediately.
一種新藥
杰克:我發(fā)明了一種新藥能有效地殺死虱子.
湯姆:太棒了.怎么用呢?
杰克:你捉到一只虱子,只要在它嘴上抹一點(diǎn)這種藥,虱子就會(huì)死去.
29.A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞錯(cuò)了
一位美國(guó)人,一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場(chǎng)車禍中喪生.他們到達(dá)天堂的門口.在那里,醉醺醺的圣彼德解釋說(shuō)是搞錯(cuò)了.“每人給我五百美元,”他說(shuō),“我將把你們送回人間,就象什么都沒(méi)有發(fā)生過(guò)一樣.”
“成交!”美國(guó)人說(shuō).立刻,他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己毫不損傷地站在現(xiàn)場(chǎng)附近.
“其他人在哪兒?”一名醫(yī)生問(wèn)道.
“我離開之前,”那名美國(guó)人說(shuō),“我看見英格蘭人正在砍價(jià),而那名加拿大人正在分辯說(shuō)應(yīng)該由他的政府來(lái)出這筆錢.”
30.Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
豬還是女巫
一個(gè)男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車,一個(gè)女人相向駕車而來(lái).他們相遇時(shí),那個(gè)女的從窗中伸出頭來(lái)叫到：“豬!”那個(gè)男的立即從窗中伸出頭來(lái)回敬道：“女巫!”他們繼續(xù)前行.這個(gè)男的在下一個(gè)路口轉(zhuǎn)彎時(shí),撞上了路中間的一頭豬.要是這個(gè)男的能聽懂那個(gè)女人的意思就好了.

31.Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
答問(wèn)技巧
衣阿華州奧格根的一位牧師正在與一位教友為一杯咖啡而猜硬幣.別人問(wèn)他那是否構(gòu)成賭博行為時(shí),牧師答道：“這僅僅是決定由誰(shuí)來(lái)做一件善事的一種科學(xué)方法.”
當(dāng)我人問(wèn)哲學(xué)家羅素是否愿意為了他的信仰而獻(xiàn)身時(shí),他答道：“當(dāng)然不會(huì).畢竟,我可能會(huì)是錯(cuò)的.”
一份報(bào)紙組織了一場(chǎng)競(jìng)賽,為下面的問(wèn)題征集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火,而你只能救出一幅畫,你將救出哪一幅?”
獲獎(jiǎng)的答案是：“最接近門口的那一幅.”
32.Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
偉大的獵手Jonesie
有個(gè)小村莊正為一只吃人的獅子而煩惱.于是,村長(zhǎng)派人去請(qǐng)偉大的獵手Jonesie來(lái)殺死這只野獸.
獵手躺著等了幾個(gè)晚上,但獅子一直沒(méi)有出現(xiàn).最后,他要求村長(zhǎng)殺只羊然后把頭皮給他.把羊皮披在身上后,獵人到草原上去等獅子.
半夜,村民被從草原傳來(lái)的聲嘶力竭的尖叫聲驚醒.他們小心地靠近后,看到獵手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟.沒(méi)有獅子出沒(méi)的蛛絲馬跡.
“Jonesie,怎么了?獅子在哪?”村長(zhǎng)問(wèn).
“哪有獅子!”獵人怒吼道,“哪個(gè)傻瓜把公牛放出來(lái)了?”
33.Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
he Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天氣預(yù)報(bào)
一個(gè)電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作.一天,一個(gè)印度老人到導(dǎo)演跟前告訴導(dǎo)演說(shuō)"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又來(lái)告訴導(dǎo)演說(shuō),"明天有風(fēng)暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"導(dǎo)演說(shuō).他告訴秘書雇傭該印度人來(lái)預(yù)報(bào)天氣.
幾次預(yù)報(bào)都很成功.然后,接下來(lái)的兩周,印度人不見了.
最后,導(dǎo)演派人去把他叫來(lái)了."我明天必須拍一個(gè)很大的場(chǎng)景,"導(dǎo)演說(shuō),"這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?"
印度人聳了聳肩."我不知道,"印度人說(shuō),"收音機(jī)壞了."
34.I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表現(xiàn)得象位女士
一天,遠(yuǎn)東百貨公司的女裝大減價(jià),一位高貴的中年男士想給太太買一件.可是,沒(méi)過(guò)多久,他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己已被瘋狂的女人沖得踉踉蹌蹌.
他竭力忍耐著.后來(lái),他低下頭,揮動(dòng)雙臂,擠過(guò)人群.
“你干嘛?”有人尖聲叫道,“你難道不能表現(xiàn)得象位紳士嗎?”
“聽著,”他說(shuō),“我已經(jīng)象紳士一樣表現(xiàn)了一個(gè)小時(shí).從現(xiàn)在起,我要表現(xiàn)得象個(gè)女士.”