經(jīng)典幽默故事－校園喜劇(Classic Humor Stories)
Class and Ass
Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: "Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today."
A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the "c".
Later Professor Laurie came along, and entering into the spirit of the joke, rubbed out the "l".

班和笨驢

格拉斯哥的勞里教授在門上貼了這樣一個通知：“勞里教授今天不見他的班級.”
一個學(xué)生讀了通知后,擦掉了字母“c”(lass：姑娘).
后來勞里教授來了,也想開開玩笑,他擦掉了字母“l(fā)”(ass：笨驢).
Plagiarism
A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St. Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper. He summoned the student to his office. "This isn't your work." he said. "Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia.
"You cann't prove that!" the student sputtered.
My friend amiled and show him the paper. Circled in red was: "Also see article on communism."

抄 襲

我有個朋友在圣路易斯的華盛頓大學(xué)教歐洲歷史,他說有一次他發(fā)現(xiàn)了一篇抄襲的學(xué)期論文.他把那個學(xué)生叫到了辦公室.“這不是你寫的,”他說,“有人幫你從百科全書上原封不動地打印了下來.”
“你沒有證據(jù).”那學(xué)生氣急敗壞地說.
我朋友笑了,他把論文拿給他看.用紅筆圈出來的是：“也可參閱共產(chǎn)主義一文.”
Virtue
Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue."

美 德

獲取研究生學(xué)位多年以后,我回到位于賓翰頓的紐約州立大學(xué)當(dāng)教員.一天,電梯里很擁擠,有人抱怨電梯效率太低.我說自我在那里當(dāng)學(xué)生起,20年來電梯一直沒有換過.
最后當(dāng)電梯門打開時,我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下,回過頭來我看到一位年長的修女正在朝我微笑.“你會拿到學(xué)位的,親愛的,”她低聲說道：“堅持不懈是一種美德.”
Difference
"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."
區(qū) 別

“研究生班和本科生很容易就能區(qū)別開來,”在洛杉磯加利福利亞州立大學(xué)給我們研究生上工程學(xué)課的老師如此說.“我說‘下午好’,本科生們回答說‘下午好’.研究生們則把我說的話記在筆記本上.”
Flunking Math
My son, who made the dean's list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student.
"Mom," he said excitely, "I have found the answer to surviving college! It isn't the grades that are so important, but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life. I'm lucky to be having these wonderful experiences!"
"And just what does this mean?" I asked.
"I'm flunking math," he replied.

數(shù)學(xué)沒及格

我兒子是印第安那市曼西爾波州立大學(xué)的學(xué)生,大學(xué)一年級就上了系主任的名單.第二年他學(xué)心理學(xué),剛幾個星期他就給家里打了個電話.
“媽媽,”他激動地說：“我找到了如何在大學(xué)里生存下去的答案!重要的不是分?jǐn)?shù),而是具備將學(xué)到的知識應(yīng)用于日常生活的素質(zhì).我很幸運地有了這種奇妙的經(jīng)歷.”
“你到底是什么意思?”我問道.
“我數(shù)學(xué)沒及格.”他回答說.
Part-time Job
When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
"How was your first day?" I asked.
"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"

業(yè)余工作

我兒子在一所中學(xué)讀二年級時,在一家超級市場找到了一份包裝商品的業(yè)余工作.他滿面笑容地回到了家.
“第一天感覺如何?”我問.
“好極了,爸爸.”他答道,“我跟許多漂亮的女孩子講了話.”
由于斯蒂芬不善言談,我問道：“你跟他們說了些什么?”
“你是喜歡紙包裝還是塑料包裝?”
Keys? Kiss?
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the kays." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the kays." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.
鑰匙還是接吻

我的一位朋友在給一個成人學(xué)生班級上英語課.他們都是新近來美國生活的.在一張桌子上擺了許多日常用品之后,他請全班同學(xué)給他挑出尺子,書本,鋼筆等.課進行得井然有序,學(xué)生們對自己所做的似乎很感興趣,也很認(rèn)真.后來輪到一名來自意大利的學(xué)生,我的朋友說：“給我鑰匙.”那人看起來非常吃驚,也有點手足無措.看到這種情況,我的朋友想是他沒有聽清楚,于是又重復(fù)了一遍：“給我鑰匙.”那位意大利學(xué)生聳了聳肩.接著,他伸出胳膊摟住老師的脖子在雙頰上親了兩下.
Prepare Yourself
A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."
Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."

自己做好準(zhǔn)備

校園里流傳著這樣的故事：一個學(xué)生一次給父母拍了一份電報,上面寫著：“媽媽－我所有功課都不及格,被學(xué)校開除.讓爸爸做好準(zhǔn)備.”
兩天以后,他收到了回電：“爸爸已準(zhǔn)備好.你自己做好準(zhǔn)備吧!”