good news and bad news
The soldiers had been marching and fighting,they were dirty,hot andtired.One day,the general announced:"My men,I have some good newsand some bad news for you.Which one would you like first?"
"The good news!" they all shouted.
"OK," said the General."The good news is that you will each be receivinga complete change of clothing."
"Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers.
"And now for the bad news.Jack,you will change with John.John,youwill change with Tom.Tom,you will change with Robert.Robert .
譯：好消息和壞消息
士兵們連續(xù)的行軍,作戰(zhàn),他們又累又熱又臟.一天,將軍宣布：“士兵們,我有一些好消息和壞消息要告訴你們.你們?cè)敢庀嚷犇膫€(gè)呢?”
“好消息!”他們?nèi)碌?
“好吧,”將軍說,“好消息就是你們每個(gè)人都可以徹底的換一身衣服.”
“烏拉!”士兵們高興地大叫起來.
“現(xiàn)在呢,該是壞消息了.杰克,你將和約翰換衣服,約翰,你和湯姆換,湯姆,你和羅伯特?fù)Q,羅伯特……”
幽默]-what miles on The Car?
A blonde（金發(fā)女郎） and a brunette（黑人婦女） were talking,and the blonde was very stressed.The brunette asked her what was the matter.The blonde proceeded to tell her that she really needed to sell her car,but no one would buy because it has 100,000 miles on it.
The brunette said to her,"I know a way that will help you sell it.I have a friend who can help you,but it's illegal."
The blonde said," I'll do anything."So the brunette gave the blonde the phone number of a guy who could turn back the odometer on her car.A week later the blonde and the brunette crossed paths,and the brunette asked the blonde if she had sold her car yet.
The blonde said,"Why would I sell a car with only 50,000 miles on it?!"
[幽默]- an Old Maid
In a tiny village lived an old maid.In spite of her old age,she was still a virgin.She was very proud of it.She knew her last days were getting closer,so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:"Born as a virgin,lived as a virgin,died as a virgin."
Not long after,the old maid died peacefully,and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said.The men went to carve it in,but as the lazy no-goods they were,they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long.They simply wrote:"Returned unopened."
[幽默]-名演員的最后一次機(jī)會(huì)
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines.After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says,"This is the most important part,and it has only one line.You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose.You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb,sniff the rose deeply and then say theline ‘Ah,the sweet aroma of my mistress.‘"
The actor is thrilled.All day long before the play he‘s practicing his line over and over again.
Finally,the time came.The curtain went up,the actor walked onto the stage,and with great passion delivered the line,"Ah,the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The theatre erupted,the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried,"You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered,"What happened,did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director."You forgot the rose!"
[幽默]My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow
A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.
"Cloth of leather?" asked the salesperson.
"Makes no difference,"replied customer.
"What color?" asked the clerk.
"Any," he responded.
"Size?"
"Give me whatever you prefer," the gentleman said,slightly exasperated."My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them."
譯：反正我太太明天會(huì)來換的
一位先生走進(jìn)一家商店要買付手套.
“您是要布的還是皮的?”售貨員問.
“沒什么區(qū)別.”這位顧客回答.
“那您要什么顏色的呢?”售貨員又問.
“什么顏色都成.”他回答.
“號(hào)碼呢?”
“您就隨便給我拿一付吧,”這位顧客有點(diǎn)不耐煩了,“反正我 太太明天都會(huì)來換的.”