搞笑小學(xué)英語(yǔ)小品劇本《新守株待兔》
人物：農(nóng)夫,兔子A,兔子B,大樹.
農(nóng)夫：I’m a farmer.（稍停頓）[走兩步]A cool farmer.（掏出墨鏡戴上）[冷酷地走兩步,突然被絆了一跤,繼續(xù)保持冷酷]Eh...When I was yong,I studied in Xu~chuan Middle School.So,I’m rich now![開(kāi)始展示名牌,邊說(shuō)邊掏]Look!This is my modern mobile——Nokia WC 250!This is my watch!This is my MP3!These are my shoes——(夸張低沉地)ADIDAS!This is… [不經(jīng)意地掏出一個(gè)蘋果]Oh,sorry.[扔掉蘋果]It’s this![從懷里掏出癢癢撓] Do you know what’s this?癢癢撓?No no no~You are out!It’s my modern——鋤頭~![看下表] It is time to do some farming![開(kāi)始彎下腰做出鋤地的動(dòng)作]
樹：I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出瘋狂搖滾歌手的動(dòng)作,哼哼哈西!]I can dance![跳四小天鵝] Oh?There comes a rabbit![引導(dǎo)觀眾看兔子A).樹站回后臺(tái)]
兔子A：OK,I’m a rabbit.Now I’m just walking around here.
[農(nóng)夫繼續(xù)鋤地,邊鋤邊上場(chǎng),突然看見(jiàn)前面有個(gè)兔子]
農(nóng)夫：（驚喜地）Lunch![扔掉癢癢撓]I will catch it![偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走]
[農(nóng)夫跟在兔子后面.兩個(gè)人走啊走.兔子突然回頭.農(nóng)夫假裝看手表.兩人繼續(xù)走.兔子回頭.農(nóng)夫假裝看天氣.兩人繼續(xù)走.兔子回頭.農(nóng)夫假裝打手機(jī).兩人繼續(xù)走,兔子回頭.這次農(nóng)夫冷酷地把槍口對(duì)準(zhǔn)了兔子.]
兔子A：Wahhhh~!（嚇一跳）What do you want?
農(nóng)夫：Huh…!I will kill U for lunch!
兔子A：Wah~[兔子跑,躲到樹后面,農(nóng)夫追到樹前]
農(nóng)夫：Where~to go?Haha!
[農(nóng)夫開(kāi)了一槍“砰”(配音).兔子在樹后驚慌躲閃,沒(méi)被打到.樹做出受傷中彈狀.農(nóng)夫又開(kāi)槍,同上.農(nóng)夫開(kāi)始加快頻率,火力密集地開(kāi)槍.兔子開(kāi)始時(shí)驚慌躲閃,躲著躲著跳起舞來(lái).樹繼續(xù)痛苦中彈狀.]
兔子A[自我陶醉中,邊跳舞邊說(shuō)]You can't hurt me!You can't hurt me!
樹：[痛苦萬(wàn)分地]But…you…Hurt me….[痛苦地慢慢挪動(dòng)到兔子背后]
[兔子繼續(xù)興奮地跳舞.農(nóng)夫停止開(kāi)槍,走到兔子面前,看著它.兔子猛然抬頭發(fā)現(xiàn)]
農(nóng)夫：Ah ha~!Bye bye ![舉槍對(duì)準(zhǔn)兔子,開(kāi)槍,沒(méi)聲音,看看槍,示意沒(méi)子彈了.兔子見(jiàn)狀,非常興奮地大笑起來(lái)]
兔子A：Ha ha ha ha!You can’t kill me now![興奮大笑,笑到抽筋,笑到后仰.突然頭撞倒了后面的樹] Wa ![倒地]
農(nóng)夫：OH![很興奮地過(guò)去兩個(gè)手指提起兔子]My lunch ,I caught you ![把兔子綁到樹上.打呵欠]tired!I’ll eat you after sleeping.[倒地睡覺(jué)]（打鼾的聲音）
兔子A：[兔子很快醒了,看看四周,發(fā)現(xiàn)自己被綁了,很驚訝]Where am What happened?
樹：[指著農(nóng)夫]He has caught you and wants to eat you.
兔子A：What?!I must leave here!But how can I escape?[東張西望,看到農(nóng)夫的手機(jī)]A mobile![解開(kāi)繩子去看手機(jī)]It’s Nokia WC 250!Wow,how fashion![放回原處.又自覺(jué)地把自己綁在樹上.突然想起來(lái)]A mobile!Maybe I can call some one to help me![又不知不覺(jué)地把自己放出來(lái),那起手機(jī)][做出打電話的樣子] (配音：撥電話) Hello?
兔子B：Hello!It’s Jenny.
兔子A：Hey Jenny!
兔子B：Oh,hey Mary!
兔子A：How are you?
兔子B：Fine,thank you.And
兔子A：I’m fine too!How are your parents?
兔子B：They are fine,thank you.And
兔子A：They are fine,too!How is your uncle?
兔子B：He’s fine,thank you!And
兔子A：He’s fine ,too!How…
兔子B：Eh..eh..eh~wait.But why do you call me?If you want borrow some money from me…NO WAY!
兔子A：No no no!I’m in danger now!Come and help me!
兔子B：But where are you?
兔子A：I’m under a tree!
兔子B：[邊打電話邊在附近走,經(jīng)過(guò)兔子A面前,兩個(gè)人還沒(méi)發(fā)現(xiàn)]What can you see around you?
兔子A：I see a rabbit …that looks exactly like you!
兔子B：A rabbit…like me… OK!I’ll find you.Just a second!Wait for me!I will help you![匆匆離開(kāi)]
[兔子A 打完電話,小心翼翼地把手機(jī)放回農(nóng)夫處,然后又很自覺(jué)地要把自己綁回了樹上]
兔子A：Haha!My friend will come and save me~!yeahOh!Hurt!Call 110~Or 119?112?...Oh,forget it!I’m dying![作喉嚨卡住聲音,死去]
[兔子B上.]兔子B：I’m also a rabbit!I’m smart!I’m lovely!And I’m (作風(fēng)情萬(wàn)種)beautiful!（自我陶醉）[轉(zhuǎn)頭看自己右手邊,卻發(fā)現(xiàn)兔子A倒在地上]Oh,my!MaryI’m so sorry,Mary!I’m too late!5555555~Mary![痛苦而夸張地轉(zhuǎn)身敲打樹]
樹：Oh!Oh,don’t hit me.!Don’t hit me!I’m brea~ken![朝地上倒,壓倒兔子B]
兔子B：What?NO..NO!...I…can’t….breath……(作死了的聲音)
[農(nóng)夫一覺(jué)醒來(lái).看見(jiàn)兩只兔子] En..Two rubbits!I rememer I have caught just one?!Oh,thanks god!How lucky I am![興奮地一手提一只兔子,哼著小曲下場(chǎng)]