我說說我的看法哈.
第一句
Living at/in a boarding school can make them——這里要用賓語,不能用their——
第二句
我覺得說成 We cannot neglect the fact that 就可以了吧.而且這句話主謂不一致了,應(yīng)該是缺少父母的指導(dǎo)和監(jiān)督 lead to ,而不是 children,有點(diǎn)混亂.
We cannot neglect the fact that lacking of parental guidance and supervision leads to rising crime rates of the young people.
lead to 換成 contribute to 應(yīng)該也可以.
個人拙見,給你提供參考吧.