第二段第二行I live in an extended family which is included not only many parents but also my uncle,aunt,brother and grandparents.
是my parents,是嗎?一點小錯,應(yīng)該是筆誤吧.不過which is included 應(yīng)該是“被包括在……”的意思,好像就不太說的通了,應(yīng)該是which includes 吧,而且include 用在這兒也不太恰當(dāng),換成contains 也許會好些（個人意見）
When I had a fever,my aunt can give me the instant diagnose since she is a doctor in a famous hospital; when I had a problem in math,my uncle can give me the best solution as his major in university is math.這兩個并列句,前后時態(tài)不一致,這本身不能算是錯誤,但是結(jié)合句意來看,不太通順,這里講的既然是普遍的例子,而不是某一特定實例,可以將過去時改為現(xiàn)在時.還有his major in university is math,is 還是換成was 好些.
I felt I can get much more care than a simple nuclear family give.也是存在時態(tài)問題.
還有,文中的care 有時當(dāng)作可數(shù)名詞,有時當(dāng)作不可數(shù),這一點應(yīng)該也要統(tǒng)一吧,不過只是個小毛病.
本人英語水平有限,所改之處未必精準(zhǔn),樓主將就著參考一下吧.衷心祝你取得好成績.
Nowadays most families in our society are nuclear families,thus many people think that extended families which are seldom found are not important any more.In my view,however,extended families are still very significant since they have many advantages such as having more care among families and getting more advises when any of the families has troubles.
When we live in extended families,we can get more care and help from other family numbers than nuclear families.For me as an example,I live in an extended family which has not only my parents but also my uncle,aunt,brother and grandparents.I feel that I can get much more care living in this extended family than living in a simple nuclear family.When I have a fever,my aunt can give me the instant diagnose since she is a doctor in a famous hospital; when I have a problem in math,my uncle can help me out as his major in university was math.Even my grandparents,two 80-year old,also give me a lot of help by telling me much experience in life.However,these cares seem impossible in a nuclear family and I feel an extended family more helpful and functional.
Secondly,people can get more advises if they live in an extended family.About last year,my mother lost her job and lost confidence in life since she thought she would do nothing and left at home for the rest of her life.As she lived in an extended family,as I mentioned,all the members began to do as much as possible to solve my mother's problems.My uncle and my aunt tried their best to find a decent job for my mother; my grandparents tried to help my mother build up confidence.As the strong relationship in my uncle's business,he helped my mother to find a job of pretty high salary and finally my mother rebuilt her confidence and took the job delightedly.
In conclusion,in spite of the decreasing number of extended families,I still think that these families not only have their own merits,but also are functional to our society.