話劇《荊軻刺秦王》
旁白(Aside )/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上,掏出鏡子梳頭,做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (畫外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高興狀) Thank u mirror! （面對觀眾） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(畢恭畢敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀最需要的是什么,人才!這句話要跟觀眾交流,最好由觀眾來回答,然后拍阿三肩膀,做贊許狀） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
（《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）
荊軻
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荊軻
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荊軻
Off course! 聳聳肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音樂起
兩人沖上前來
“人在江湖漂啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊,兩刀砍死你啊.”
李莫愁倒地
荊軻大笑
李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （贏一個人需要理由么,不需要么,需要么?）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荊軻再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荊柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹暈倒
荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please?
荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙,上面寫著：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero,we need your help.
荊柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荊柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荊柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上場的美女,激動狀): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荊柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
觀眾甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
荊柯（激動）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧?難道你真的想要嗎……
（《No matter》音樂起,荊軻先與阿三跳探戈,擁入懷中,又甩出去,阿三做嘔吐狀.然后荊軻與太子丹跳倫巴,最后太子丹擺一個女性化的造型,向后彎腰并抬其中一條腿,荊軻做調戲狀.）
荊柯(誠懇狀) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹與阿三（撞胯,擊掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大話西游》主題曲響起）
荊珂挽著妻子,太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荊珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹,阿三下.停頓.《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起,荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型,忽然荊軻看到一個美女——此時一個中國古典美女經過,向荊軻拋媚眼,并拋下定情手絹.荊軻高興的盯著美女看,妻子發(fā)覺不對,扭過頭來.）
荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）
荊珂(流淚) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你,選自《飄》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荊珂（欲走還留,執(zhí)子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時,Jack對Rose的傾訴）.
妻子:"I promise."
荊軻:"Never let go. “
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荊軻的發(fā)音和jack很像,所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號》的臺詞.）
妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚,
荊珂上船,漸漸遠去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手機撥號,阿三接手機)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.