I'm a big fan of XXX from China.I came to know about your in 2012.（your-you)
In the <XXX> PV,i think that you are so pretty,and especially cool!I like you and XXX very much.  (此句不通順,用so ...that可能改善點(diǎn)）

Because of the my japanese is very poor so i can't express very well my total support and adoration for you .( because 與so 不能連用,二者必須刪除一個(gè)；because of 后面跟的是短語(yǔ),because 后面才是跟句子的；japanese首字母大寫；老外最不喜歡中國(guó)人說自己語(yǔ)言poor）

I wish your could do better and better in the future and i'm will alway be your biggist fan who pays attention to what you do all the time.(第一個(gè)your-you; i'm-I; alway-always; biggist-biggest)


i sincerely hope that you can write me back.i will be waiting for you.(期待某人的來信習(xí)慣用looking forward to hearing from you.)
其實(shí)我建議你重寫,文章很別扭.
 
能否請(qǐng)你按照我的思路寫一篇呢？如果這是寫給你偶像的郵件，我覺得直接用你自己的語(yǔ)言會(huì)更真實(shí)，人家讀的是你的誠(chéng)意不是你的英語(yǔ)水平，努力用自己的語(yǔ)言去表達(dá)，不要在乎寫得好不好，加油！是作業(yè)好嗎……汗流浹背，童鞋哎，作業(yè)要自己做的好不好，詞典呀，單詞呀去翻翻嘛