Do you know how to meet a mermaid?
第一句沒問題
Swim to the bottom of the sea,where has bluer water.
這里我使用定語從句,句子可以更簡介些.
The sky becomes a memory there.
這句話是獨立的句子,不能夠跟之前的句子直接相連,所以要單獨成句(T變成大寫).如果想要連在之前的句子上就要用and連接.
Lying in silence,and you must stay there with a determine mind and
then the mermaids will appear.
decided的時態(tài)錯了,應該用一般現(xiàn)在時.
They will give you warm welcome and test your love.
If you love is ture and pure enough,they will accept you .
You will be taken away forever.
后兩句根據(jù)自己的理解翻譯,樓主的翻譯也沒有問題.