One simple thing that changed my life
Looking back at my journey of overcoming social anxiety, I realize there is one simple thing that changed my life. Of course there were a lot of lifestyle changes I had to make, but this simple component really freed my mind: self talk.
We all have an almost constant stream of thought commentating on our lives. We can choose to pay attention to it, or to let it run wild in our subconscious. There are moments when our inner voice quiets - this is the goal of meditation, and there are other situations when this happens, such as during intense exercise, during an orgasm, or when we become extremely involved in an activity (some call this "being in the zone"). But it's much easier to take active control of our self talk than to quiet it.
With social anxiety, self talk is often negative and irrational, and it's the very root of the fight or flight response. When we control our self talk, essentially we control our thoughts and emotions. There are 3 components to self talk, and they're the same as when we speak aloud: content, speed, and tonality. Try reading the following sentence in your head, paying close attention to your inner voice:
"I'm reading this in my mind, listening to my inner voice. I'm practicing self talk. SickJoke is the man." (ok you can skip the part about me )
When you read it in your mind, you should be hearing your own voice. Now try reading it again, and pretend you're in slow motion, saying only 1 word in your mind per second... Awesome. Now read it like someone just cut you off at an intersection and you're really pissed off... Notice how you can control the speed and tonality.
So how is this useful in everyday life? By taking active control of our self talk, we control our thoughts through the content of our self talk. And we control our emotions through the speed and tonality of our self talk.
Let's apply self talk to a hypothetical situation. Timmy has extreme social anxiety, and he realizes he needs to buy a couple things at the grocery store.
Timmy not taking advantage of self talk:
In a slow, dreadful voice, Timmy thinks "Oh god, I have to go to the store. This is going to be ****ing awful." As he walks down the street, his thoughts are so fast that they are barely understandable, and the tonality is weak and frightened: "Um am I walking uh normally? Uh are people um staring at me? Um I hope there aren't uh a lot of um people in the store." He goes to the store and completes his trivial task, but when he gets home he's exhausted and beating himself up over what a fool he thinks he made out of himself.
Timmy taking advantage of self talk:
In a matter-of-fact, nonchalant voice, Timmy thinks "Oh yeah, gotta grab some things at the store." As he walks down the street, his thoughts are slow and clear, and the tonality is deep and relaxed: "Ah yeah what a nice day. Mmm, that's a cute girl over there . Now let's see, what do I need to buy..." He goes to the store and completes his trivial task, and when he gets home he's feeling awesome.
Remember it's not just the words, but especially the speed and tonality makes the difference. It's not just what we say in our minds, but how we say it.
So there it is, such a simple thing that changed my life. I hope it helps.