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  • 求雅思作文批改,以及大概的分?jǐn)?shù)和不足之處

    求雅思作文批改,以及大概的分?jǐn)?shù)和不足之處
    Many people believe that the main
    aim for university education is to help graduates to find better jobs,while
    some people believe that university education should aim at cultivating
    students’ overall abilities.What is your opinion?
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    With the development of people ‘s living
    standard .There are growing numbers of people pay attention to the issue of university’s
    education .Some people believe that university education should aim
    at cultivating student’s overall abilities .and other people keep a totally
    opposite attitude in it .Personally ,I support the latter’s view and the reason
    will be list as follows .
    First of all ,there is an old saying that :’It
    is not only giving people a fish ,but also teaching people how to fish .’A
    successful school not only providing a post to student ,but also teaching them
    how to study by themselves in the future .It is the reason why the university
    such as Cambridge and peking university is famous in all over the world .
    Furthermore ,it can provide more high
    quality workforce to the local workforce market ,and then stimulate the
    development of the whole country ,enhance the people’s living standard .For example
    ,there is an dramatic development in China ,since China rebuilt the education system
    .It is no denying that education is very important to an country .
    On the other hand .Some people believe university
    education is help graduates to find a better job .But I believe these students
    who are lack the abilities and knowledge will hard to cope with the work if
    they didn’t focus on study in university .
    In conclusion ,government and companies
    should support the university’s education system ,encourage students acquire
    more abilities in school .it is a win-win working in long term .
    其他人氣:377 ℃時間:2020-06-05 06:55:41
    優(yōu)質(zhì)解答
    感覺5至5.5左右,模版痕跡較重(尤其首段),有一些語法錯誤,句式不夠靈活,被動句只有一個(還是模板句),倒裝句也沒有.詞匯還可以,夠用,但是貌似也沒什么加分詞,同義替換什么的.

    第一段:
    第一個句子就不成句,還是說那個是逗號?如果是逗號也不該是With開頭,要換成Because of/Due to/Owing to
    pay---paying
    第四行的and -- while
    latter’s--latter
    list--listed
    而且內(nèi)容上有個非常大的問題:你support的觀點是latter one,也就是“學(xué)校不應(yīng)該aim at cultivating student’s overall abilities ” ,這個完全不等于題目說的help graduates to find better jobs.甚至有跑題傾向了,非常影響分?jǐn)?shù)
    (我猜想你是不是想說你支持題目的latter view?你這個former,latter得根據(jù)你自己前面寫的內(nèi)容,而不是題目……于是latter改成former)

    (第二段不知道怎么下手,先不改了)

    第三段:
    is help --is helping,用should help會更好
    who are lack ---who lack(lack沒有形容詞屬性,前面不用be動詞,它是動詞或名詞)
    will--would (因為你后面的if后面用了didn't)

    最多一段:
    觀點不太明確,請點題.明顯指出你支持哪一方,反對哪一方
    --> and encourage students acquire various abilities in school rather than just focus on how to seek better careers

    win-win working in long term --win-win method in the long term

    評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)是:內(nèi)容、語法、詞匯、句子靈活度4方面,注意從這四方面提高和練習(xí)吧,尤其是內(nèi)容和邏輯方面
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