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  • 求改托福作文一篇,評(píng)個(gè)分

    求改托福作文一篇,評(píng)個(gè)分
    What changes will the 21st century bring?People seldom agree with each others on such subjective question that hardly can we find an optimal perspective to convince all.Some people believe it is fresh views or new elements of ideology will play a key role in the new century,for the assimilate effects of globalization.However,some people maintain that the changes in environment will be most notable,since we have damage our circumstance so much,and gradually,people realizes the importance of environment.This opinion just coincide with that of mine.
    Life without good environment just likes the Garden of Eden without glorious flower.People can easily produce machine to simplify our lives,but hardly to make our earth became what it was.The problem we are facing is that our quality of lives is declined,and we have to do something with it.Currently,we see,Cars is making poisons for flowers and fosters while factories is producing killers to birds and fishes.Never can we deny the effects that our environment was devastated.Every vacation,my family has to go to mountain,if we want to see stars and breath normal air.Thanks to God,people realize the result of our problematic development,and is undergoing the relative works.
    Another reason is that the outcomes of the “non-environmental friendly” development not only concern the surroundings of daily life,but also jeopardize the really life itself of people.Such as the old and the young,the most vulnerable part.Resisting harmful emissions isn't a easy task for their body.After all,it’s bad for normal people as well.On the other hand,some strange diseases,as the result of that,appear much more frequently than ever since.Ergo,do a change in environment isn't some can be waited,but something emergent!
    As mentioned above,environment,in my view,is most likely to be brought in this new century.I believe that environment should be something of people,by people,and for people,and I believe that the change will come soon.
    其他人氣:770 ℃時(shí)間:2020-06-05 06:08:36
    優(yōu)質(zhì)解答
    我覺(jué)得這篇作文很不錯(cuò).
    我個(gè)人能提煉出以下幾點(diǎn):
    觀點(diǎn)方面
    論點(diǎn):21世紀(jì)的重要改變將會(huì)是環(huán)境
    分論點(diǎn)1:人們需要好環(huán)境
    例子:城市環(huán)境污染 度假需要到山里去
    分論點(diǎn)2:環(huán)境現(xiàn)狀給人類(lèi)帶來(lái)的傷害
    例子:人類(lèi)健康受到疾病侵害
    應(yīng)該說(shuō)例子是能夠支持論點(diǎn)的.
    語(yǔ)言方面:
    我覺(jué)得文筆上很不錯(cuò),感覺(jué)得出是精寫(xiě)的.不會(huì)成為被扣分的理由.
    建議:
    1)開(kāi)頭比較平淡,嘗試下反問(wèn)句吧,我覺(jué)得很好用...吸引讀者.
    2)第一個(gè)分論點(diǎn)最好再寫(xiě)明確一點(diǎn).
    3)最后那個(gè)of by for我覺(jué)得吧 未必一定要用...想用名句可以換一句嘛,這句有點(diǎn)生硬...
    我個(gè)人YY一個(gè)分?jǐn)?shù)的話
    假設(shè)你Indipendent writing滿分
    作文應(yīng)該能有27或28朝上
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