字?jǐn)?shù)可不夠啊!230 words要扣分的!由于沒有題目,無法準(zhǔn)確判斷是否切題.


不得不以語言和邏輯為主進(jìn)行一定的修改(用心比對(duì)差異即可進(jìn)步)：
原句：parents are facing an issue that is should their children attending school at a youngage.
修改：parents are facing an issue about whether their children should attend school ...


 原句：those who attend school early students save a massive time compare with the same
修改:compared with other students,those who attend school early could save a massive ...


Moreover,their parents will be more confident when talking to their kids.這句話雖然語言沒有大的問題,但是由于文化差異,鬼佬考官很可能十分困惑,從而影響該句子作為論述的分?jǐn)?shù).鬼佬的家長(zhǎng)不好面子,我家孩子怎么怎么牛.


students who are playing at an early age also have merits.According to a science report,those who play often at a young age are more likely to be successful inthe future.For example,they can learn a lot through various kinds of sports such as football.
這幾句話主要想論述'students who are playing at an early age' 的好處.但是一個(gè)不知出處的report以及一個(gè)關(guān)于sports 的有些寬泛的例子不能作為有說服力的論述.特別是舉例,選擇足夠細(xì)節(jié)的例子比如足球,才能更有把握地拿到該部分的分?jǐn)?shù).


最后點(diǎn)評(píng)一句中式英文和一處邏輯問題：
they may get humiliated by the older students for the reason of small body figure.
應(yīng)該是為了表達(dá)被大孩子欺負(fù) 
修改后：Older students may bully them for the reason that they are inferior to them in terms of physical strength. 


On the one hand,play is necessary for a child according to the survey.On the other hand,if students study at a young age,they would be intimated by the older students,which could cause devastating results to their mind.
分析：on the one hand,on the other hand 表示對(duì)比邏輯,常用于表達(dá)正反方觀點(diǎn)之前.
If ...,...would ...這是典型的條件論證,應(yīng)當(dāng)緊跟論據(jù),所以此處使用‘另一方面’不恰當(dāng).


P.S.由于個(gè)人因素,不能面面俱到的進(jìn)行修改分析,但愿對(duì)你和其它人有點(diǎn)滴幫助.