In the past 100 years, profound changes have taken place in people’s daily life. Car has gradually become the main transportation for people.(原來的太繞太反復(fù),而且主句分句主語混亂)Although there are still people who use bicycle as their vehicle, I believe that the most useful discovery for people in the last 100 years is car.(原句邏輯關(guān)系不清,沒有個(gè)although前一句太突兀,還有些單復(fù)數(shù),用詞上的錯(cuò)誤.)
The car enchances the efficiency of people’s work.(原句根本不是句子.這樣改語法沒問題但是內(nèi)容牽強(qiáng),我不知道你要表達(dá)什么.) About a hundred year ago cars were not popular ,people had to spend a great lot of time going to work ,dating , tarvelling on the way.(travelling on th way是前兩條的總結(jié),并列放著不合適.另,你的時(shí)態(tài)很混亂.)In the recent 100 years, technology has improved much faster.(只有technology可以improve,development不行) Hence,cars ,which is commonly used in everyday life, are very popular now . With the help of cars, we can economize the time on working ,out-door picnics etc .
Cars are not only efficient but also convenient for the modern people .
A great number of convenience(原來你能數(shù)出汽車有幾個(gè)方便!佩服.) has been seen as the cars created .（這句話全是錯(cuò)誤,建議重新寫.topic sentence追求簡(jiǎn)單句,清晰思維,別一開始就繞昏自己） We can drive it whenever we want to go . A good example is that ,(最雷人的舉例方法,還附送語法錯(cuò)誤.orz.改成 I have felt the convenience of using cars in my daily life.) I was a poor person who didn’t own a car when I startedmy career . I had to get up early so that I could catch the firstly empty bus (這是什么bus?沒聽過這種用法.另,catch the bus才是趕公車)everyday which sent me to the right place . sometimes I had to wait for a few minutes ,a quarter or even worse. As time went by , I finally possessed my own car which was very cheap. It changed my life greatly and meant that I didn’t havetobe controled . I can drive it to work ,to travel ,to do everythings I would like .(完全不明白你要表達(dá)什么.詭異的說法)
Apart from the advantages of cars which I have mentioned above , cars also bring joys to us .We can go for a picnic,by using the car where we see our family’s smile to us and enjoy the meaningful holiday.(此句完全不通= =)
From that has been discussed above , we may safely draw the conclusion that cars are the most useful discoveries in my country.
好了,終于改完了.首先在結(jié)構(gòu)上不存在大問題,但是你舉自己例子的那一段的主題與例子不搭調(diào).然后整篇文章的中心不應(yīng)用thing這么模棱兩可的詞,更何況題目是問你the most beneficial discovery.文中小錯(cuò)誤一堆,不是我打擊你,請(qǐng)你不會(huì)用從句那就用簡(jiǎn)單句,把句子寫的長(zhǎng)不僅容易錯(cuò)改卷的人看著也郁悶.時(shí)態(tài)語態(tài)好好復(fù)習(xí)一下,很多基本用法和搭配都有問題.例證不夠,然后conclusion也太過套樣本了,好歹也稍微總結(jié)下你的論點(diǎn)啊.其他也沒什么了.你自己看看考慮下怎么提高吧.我睡覺了.