"坐飛機",一般不用by plane這種說法,這是明顯的中國式英語.老外一般用by air.即我和爸媽坐飛機去海南這句改為：my parents and I went to Hainan by air.

fast 不用來形容旅途的快捷,又是中國式英語.你想表達的是坐飛機很快,用it was very quick比較好.
因為天氣熱這句話,你不能直接放在里面,因為是單獨的句子了,你必須加連接詞.
改為：After getting there,because of the hot weather,a number of .(去掉and）.
第一天,應(yīng)該是On the first day,你少了一個on.
fish和octopus之間最好加個and.即：
ate some seafood like fishs and octopus.
 第二天,天氣依舊很熱.你少了be動詞.On the second day ,the weather WAS still hot.
play volleyball,不需要the.paly soccer ,play tennis.球類運動都不要加定冠詞.
We played gobang and relaxing there for two hours這句應(yīng)該改為We played gobang and relaxed there for two hours.
After that,we take a ship on the sea,when I looked out of a really shark這句應(yīng)該改為we took a ship at sea ,and I founded out a real shark.錯誤太多,首先take應(yīng)該是過去式,然后,發(fā)現(xiàn)一條鯊魚用的短語應(yīng)該是found out ,而不是look out.look out 是小心的意思.最后,真的鯊魚是real shark,不是really shark ,really不做形容詞.
And they with we went to visited a museum.這句改為And they visited a museum with me.去參觀博物館直接用visit就行了,干嘛要用go to visit ,老外不會這么說英語.with me 不能放在they的后面.
And I learned a lot of their living habits應(yīng)該是learn a lot about their living habits.這里用learn about 更好.
We were surprise這里你想表達我們都震驚了,應(yīng)該用surprised.不是surprise,這是動詞不是形容詞.

差不多就這些,簡單給你改改,基本每句話都有錯,你的英語還需要努力學(xué)習(xí).
   全手打,
能不能具體改改，我期末考要用。還有“the weather is hot,and a number of people were wore shoes and T-shirt.”是不是要改成“because of the hot weather，a number of people were wore shoes and T-shirt.”？這還不具體啊，我每句話都幫你改了哇，你是要我?guī)湍闳母暮梅胚M來？你先采納我的回答吧，我?guī)湍愀木褪橇?，兩分鐘的事兒?div style="margin-top:20px">