Report:Profits of two sea food subsidiaries in 2008 and 2010
This report serves to analyse the general operating situations of the European subsidiary and the Australian subsidiary in 2008 and 2010.
In retrospect,the Australian subsidiary'S profits started at about 47 millions US dollars in the first quarter,and then experienced a relatively steady trend through the whole year,with a slight increase to about (多少錢數) in the second quarter.However,the European subsidiary started at 32 million US dollars in the first quarter and then reached to the peak of about 38 millions US dollars in the second,from which it declined stablely.
In 2010,the Australian subsidiary had a lower starting point of about 31 millions US dollars in the first quarter,.It rised to the summit of about (多少錢)in the second and then decreased steadily from the third to the fourth quarter.As to the European subsidiary,it began at a lower point rated 20 million US dollars and then there was a sharp increase in the third before it collapsed in the fourth.
In conclusion,the European subsidiary is more vibrating then the Australian subsidiary.
大概看了看,覺得你寫的很不錯.有些地方仍需加強.
第一、有些詞組和詞匯需要提高.比如說達到最大值、增加、減少、提高、降低等,這些常用詞需要系統(tǒng)的記憶一下.真題后面的范文里面就有很多這樣的例子,可以學學他們是怎樣用詞的.比如,提高可以是increase \rise\go up i\mprove
等,不要經常用一個詞,英語最避諱的就是用詞重復.從你寫的作文里面可以看出你對這方面有意識,這一點很好,但是仍需加強.
第二、圖表有些地方的表達不是很準確.看我給你改的2008年歐洲分公司的那一節(jié),第一季度是32,第二季度是38,第三、四季度開始下滑.那么就說明第二季度是最高點,你只提到達到了38,但是沒有提到它是最高峰,遺漏了一點.不僅無法展現你對這一點的英語掌握程度,還給人一種分析不透徹的感覺.不是我吹毛求疵,范文里面經常出現的一個詞組就是reached to the peak of ,和go to the prime of ,二者都是達到最高點的意思.go to the minimum則是最低點的意思.所以你要好好研究研究范文.
看圖的時候有幾個點要把握住,起點、最高點、最低點和終點,總體趨勢也要說說,就是是說總體趨勢是平穩(wěn)的還是動蕩的（總體趨勢這一點你掌握的很好,值得表揚.嘿嘿.）.還有我給你標的（多少錢）的字樣,意思是要把達到的數值說一下,既可以湊字,也給人一種有理有據的感覺.就像現在一樣,在沒有圖的情況下,我只能通過數字來增加對文章的了解.
第三、銜接的地方也要注意.就是in comparision ,however 等字樣.當然銜接詞不止這些,范文里面都有,你自己總結一下吧.
記住我告訴你的這幾點,拿B應該沒問題.我是去年五月考的,勉強能回憶起這些.說錯的地方望見諒.