The lecturer actually contradicts the statement made in the passage.
She is of the view that Chevalier’s memoir is accurate and reliable.[這句話其實(shí)沒有必要寫成這種形式 可以說 She holds the view that ...“be of” 這種形式能不用就盡量不要用]
To begin with,the lecturer contradicts the issue that according to Chevalier’s memoir,he was very wealthy,but evidence showed he borrowed sums of money from his friends,which is controversial.[句式太長(zhǎng)太復(fù)雜了 對(duì)于native speaker而言 其實(shí)并沒有那么好懂 建議改寫成 In the beginning,the lecturer disagreed with the idea in the Chevalier's memoir.Chevalier's memoir suggested that he was very wealthy.]
She holds the opinion that borrowing money from friends can be the evidence of being poor,and because he need time to transfer asset into money,he may borrow money from friends to maintain the expense on parties and gambling.[重復(fù)詞匯太多了 句子太長(zhǎng)了 句子長(zhǎng)其實(shí)不是問題 但是邏輯關(guān)系不能亂 邏輯關(guān)系一定要清楚明白 建議一個(gè)句子里面不要出現(xiàn)多于兩個(gè)的邏輯關(guān)系 從句可以 但是邏輯關(guān)系要慎重 其實(shí)你這個(gè)句子我沒太看懂 但是如果我改寫的話大概會(huì)是這個(gè)樣子 She ...poor.Due to the time that he needs for transfering assets into money,he will borrow more from friends to keep partying and gambling.]
The issue of that it is skeptical about the accuracy of the conversation that Chevalier records in the memoir between himself and the famous writer Voltaire,since he can not remember exact phrases from the conversation held many years earlier does not please the lecturer neither.[Fragment Sentence 把The issue of that拿掉才是句子結(jié)構(gòu) 后面的it is skeptical是一個(gè)完整的句子結(jié)構(gòu) 反而是前面的the issue of that沒有謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞 直接拿掉就好了]
She argues that Chevalier can consulate the notes and journals recoding the conversation.[recoding前面加一個(gè)逗號(hào)]
Subsequently,the passage says that Chevalier was more likely to get out of the prison with the help of his friends who could have offered a bribe rather than escaped by using a piece of mental.[最后一個(gè)詞 應(yīng)該是metal如果我沒看錯(cuò)的話 金屬 建議用get out from 因?yàn)槟阋膊淮_定他到底怎么出來的 get out of有點(diǎn)過于口語(yǔ)化 并且對(duì)于他和監(jiān)獄的關(guān)系表達(dá)的太過于隨意 后面建議改成 with the bribe offered by his friends,rather than escaping...句子太長(zhǎng)的時(shí)候請(qǐng)用逗號(hào)來分開 更好的讓人了解句子結(jié)構(gòu) ]
Nonetheless,the lecturer argues that as many other prisoners who had more power than Chevalier’s friends did not escape from the prison,and according to the official document,after Chevalier’s escaping,the prison was repaired.[有點(diǎn)混亂 這個(gè)句子的主體結(jié)構(gòu)應(yīng)該是the lecturer argues that...后面接觀點(diǎn) 建議拆成兩個(gè)句子 中間用In addition,作為連接 ]
Thus we can conclude that the lecturer chal lenges the passage by using reasons about why Chevalier’s memoir is accurate.[Thus 后面要加逗號(hào)]
求改托福作文.(TPO8綜合寫作)
求改托福作文.(TPO8綜合寫作)
TPO8:The lecturer actually contradicts the statement made in the passage.She is of the view that Chevalier’s memoir is accurate and reliable.To begin with,the lecturer contradicts the issue that according to Chevalier’s memoir,he was very wealthy,but evidence showed he borrowed sums of money from his friends,which is controversial.She holds the opinion that borrowing money from friends can be the evidence of being poor,and because he need time to transfer asset into money,he may borrow money from friends to maintain the expense on parties and gambling.The issue of that it is skeptical about the accuracy of the conversation that Chevalier records in the memoir between himself and the famous writer Voltaire,since he can not remember exact phrases from the conversation held many years earlier does not please the lecturer neither.She argues that Chevalier can consulate the notes and journals recoding the conversation.Subsequently,the passage says that Chevalier was more likely to get out of the prison with the help of his friends who could have offered a bribe rather than escaped by using a piece of mental.Nonetheless,the lecturer argues that as many other prisoners who had more power than Chevalier’s friends did not escape from the prison,and according to the official document,after Chevalier’s escaping,the prison was repaired.Thus we can conclude that the lecturer chal lenges the passage by using reasons about why Chevalier’s memoir is accurate.
TPO8:The lecturer actually contradicts the statement made in the passage.She is of the view that Chevalier’s memoir is accurate and reliable.To begin with,the lecturer contradicts the issue that according to Chevalier’s memoir,he was very wealthy,but evidence showed he borrowed sums of money from his friends,which is controversial.She holds the opinion that borrowing money from friends can be the evidence of being poor,and because he need time to transfer asset into money,he may borrow money from friends to maintain the expense on parties and gambling.The issue of that it is skeptical about the accuracy of the conversation that Chevalier records in the memoir between himself and the famous writer Voltaire,since he can not remember exact phrases from the conversation held many years earlier does not please the lecturer neither.She argues that Chevalier can consulate the notes and journals recoding the conversation.Subsequently,the passage says that Chevalier was more likely to get out of the prison with the help of his friends who could have offered a bribe rather than escaped by using a piece of mental.Nonetheless,the lecturer argues that as many other prisoners who had more power than Chevalier’s friends did not escape from the prison,and according to the official document,after Chevalier’s escaping,the prison was repaired.Thus we can conclude that the lecturer chal lenges the passage by using reasons about why Chevalier’s memoir is accurate.
其他人氣:220 ℃時(shí)間:2020-08-26 22:08:25
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