man goes to church and starts talking to God.He says:"God,what is a million dollars to you?" and God says:"A penny",then the man says:"God,what is a million years to you?" and God says:"a second",then the man says:"God,can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊,一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."
　　Once two hunters went hunting in the forest.One of them suddenly fell down by accident.He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing.The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help.The operator said calmly:"First,you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 兩個(gè)獵人進(jìn)森林里打獵,其中一個(gè)獵人不慎跌倒,兩眼翻白,似已停止呼吸.另一個(gè)獵人趕緊拿出手機(jī)撥通緊急求助電話.接線員沉著地說：“第一步,要先確定你的朋友已經(jīng)死亡.”于是,接線員在電話里聽到一聲槍響,然后聽到那獵人接著問：“第二步怎辦?”
　　Talking clock
　　會(huì)說話的鐘
　　While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends,a college student led the way into the den."What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked."That is the talking clock," the man replied."How's it work?"
　　"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.Suddenly,someone screamed from the other side of the wall,"Knock it off,you idiot!It's two o'clock in the morning!"
　　一個(gè)學(xué)生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓,甚是得意.“那個(gè)大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的?”他的一個(gè)朋友問他.“那玩意兒厲害了,那是一個(gè)會(huì)說話的鐘”,學(xué)生回答.“這鐘怎么工作的”,他的朋友問.“看著,別眨眼了”,那學(xué)生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子,拼命地敲了一下,聲音震耳欲聾.突然,他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫,“別敲了,你這白癡!現(xiàn)在是凌晨兩點(diǎn)鐘了!”
　　Secret For a Long Life
　　A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
　　"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says."What's your secret for a long,happy life?"
　　"I smoke three packs a day,drink a case of whiskey a week,eat fatty foods and never,ever exercise."
　　"Wow,that's amazing," says the woman."How old are you?"
　　"Twenty-six."
　　長壽秘訣
　　一位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動(dòng)的小老頭.
　　“我無意中發(fā)現(xiàn),你是多么幸福,”那女士說.“你幸福而長壽的秘密是什么?”
　　“我每天抽三包煙,每周喝一箱威士忌,吃高脂肪食品,而且從來不曾鍛煉.”
　　“哦,真神奇,”女士說.“你高壽?”