求幫改ielts作文,謝謝
目標6分,請指點語法錯誤,是否偏題了,如何改進,感激不盡
題目：Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of a three-year-old child to see whether they will grow up to be criminals. To what extent do you think the human nature produces crime? And how can we prevent children from growing up to be criminals?
In contemporary society, it seems that the crime rate increases everyday. In the meantime, one theory claims that we can see whether children will become criminals in the future through studying their behaviour during the period of childhood. So, whether human nature can hardly produce crime is an issue open to debate. As far as I am concerned, human nature is just a small part of the reasons leading to crime.
On the one hand, crime is created by a variety of factors.To be more specific, in the first place, the main reason of crime is the lack of education. More exactly, crime is mainly by reason of the lack of education in morality and law.So there are a lot of criminals who do not know it is ilegal and wrong when they commit a crime. In the second place, enviornment is a more significant factor producing crime than human nature. According to a survey from Yale University in 2005, There are more than 70% of adolescent criminals living in a single parent family. Lastly, economy is another vital reason for crime. It is proved by the survey that incident of crime in developing countries is higher than that in develop countries.
On the other hand, indeed,human nature is also a factor creating crime. To some extent, individuals’ character and mood which are the reason for commiting a crime are decided by human nature.Some people violate the law just because of bad mood.Even so, the reason above cannot be the decidable cause as it is no doubt that charater is formed by many factors, not only human nature.Therefore, it can be changed by controlling other factors.
In the final analysis,human nature is not the major factor leading to crime. To enhance the quality of education,to better the society enviornment and to promote the economy are the best way to prevent children from growing up to be criminals.