沒(méi)有什么大問(wèn)題,就是后面so that表達(dá)“因此,所以”的時(shí)候,最好用逗號(hào)隔開(kāi),否則句子有點(diǎn)長(zhǎng).另外,有些表達(dá)可以更英語(yǔ)一些,
一個(gè)是不需要用那么多would來(lái)表示假設(shè)和委婉的語(yǔ)氣.另外人稱要統(tǒng)一,不要在開(kāi)頭討論的是everyone（第三人稱）后面又用you（第二人稱）這是中英文不同的地方
Here is my version, just for reference:
Everyone will face countless choices throught his life, and every decision will greatly influence on the entire lifetime. Thus, the trail of one's life depends on the decisions he makes at every crossroads. Different choice, different destiny.
Hope it helps =]不過(guò)what kind of life you have is dependent on what kind of choice you would make.這句話對(duì)嗎？ you would make 與 you have make哪個(gè)比較好呢？（Different choice, different destiny已經(jīng)用過(guò)一次啦，不能用第二次所以要換個(gè)寫法）用you make就可以了，書面語(yǔ)中很少用到would。而have 后面應(yīng)該是用過(guò)去分詞 make。
這句話是正確的，但是用動(dòng)詞詞組depends on 比形容詞詞組更高級(jí)一點(diǎn)。