你的文章真題寫得很不錯(cuò)——語言功底很扎實(shí),學(xué)習(xí)了!里面的個(gè)別地方在此商榷,以作交流——————
When 【he 最好換成所知道的人名字,寫人些事,都是讓讀者更多地了解此人.】found the great potential of his website Facebook,【he 或者替換這個(gè)代詞為名詞】realized that a golden entrepreneurial opportunity was coming【 .分為兩個(gè)句子】【He then 用并列形式,兩種時(shí)態(tài)不對應(yīng),容易導(dǎo)致費(fèi)解或誤解】made an unexpected decision:【to drop/dropping out of college and establish/establishing his own company to operate the website.多用短語表達(dá)】
2.In the18th and 19th century,it seemed to be the only task for most women to take good care of their husbands and children rather than 【pursuit（n）改為 pursue(v)】 any challenging goals.
這個(gè)句子寫的很不錯(cuò)!不過,如果改變一下,也許效果會不同：
In the18th and 19th century,taking good care of their husbands and children seemed to be the only task for most women rather than 【pursuing 】 any challenging goals.要表達(dá)的主要意思得到強(qiáng)調(diào)或突出!
3.It 【was——is 當(dāng)做客觀事實(shí),應(yīng)該更好,而且與后面的 for decades搭配】 his initiative contribution to modern music,dance,and fashion that made him a global figure in popular culture【 for decades.幾十年來（一直）】強(qiáng)調(diào)句型使用很成功!
4.After 【his——變成人名加所有格形式,可以讓讀者記憶此人】 death in 2008,his splendid performances were still imitated by contemporary artists.