首先,worthiest是不是應(yīng)該是worst. People all have dreams, however not
everybody is able to achieve the dream, and because of desire, people learn to
change themselves.改成Even though not everyone is able to acheive their dreams, because of their desire for their dreams, people will try to change.這里讓步比轉(zhuǎn)折更能表達(dá)你的觀點(diǎn). 另外,你的第一個(gè)例子并不是change themselves 而是改變了大環(huán)境,所以change就夠了.
第二,例子選的不是很好,最好避免關(guān)于美國歷史的討論,因?yàn)槟憬^對不會比美國人更了解他們的歷史,如果有錯(cuò)會大大地扣分的,因?yàn)檫@使得你的論據(jù)和論點(diǎn)并不互相支持.
還有,字?jǐn)?shù)太少了.至少需要兩個(gè)例子,開頭和結(jié)尾需要更詳細(xì)的解釋.比如As it is said, to change is to risk something.前需要鋪墊.People never know a change is positive or negative, but “desire” does have the strength不和主題.你在討論motivation to change 而不是change是否正確.例子之前也需要過渡,大概就說兩句像‘desire可以讓人改編社會環(huán)境,就比如美國南北戰(zhàn)爭’之類的引入.
sat作文修改.
sat作文修改.
What
motivates people to change?
Human have the best and the worthiest quality
at the same time,and in my opinion,they all come from desire.Because of
desire,people begin to seek,to chase.People all have dreams,however not
everybody is able to achieve the dream,and because of desire,people learn to
change themselves.
I do not want to discuss if the America Civil
War was right or wrong,it was already the history.The slavery was prevalent
for over 200 years,people all knew it was unfair and undemocratic.In the end,
the reason why the northern army finally decided to begin the war was the lack
of labors of factories,while the South owned a large number of slaveries who
have the potential to become free labors.And after the Emancipation was
written during the Civil War,the reason why lots of slaveries ran away and joined
the northern army risking their lives and helped the North to finally win was that
they want the freedom.The North desired more benefits,while the slaveries
desired the freedom.The northern army won the bloody Civil War,and the
America history was changed-the slaveries were set free.And now when we look
at the war,the result is relatively positive-everyone in the U.S.has got a
relatively racial equality and freedom.
As it is said,to change is to risk
something.People never know a change is positive or negative,but “desire”
does have the strength.Desire is able to motivate people to change themselves,
to change people around them,the history,and even the world.
What
motivates people to change?
Human have the best and the worthiest quality
at the same time,and in my opinion,they all come from desire.Because of
desire,people begin to seek,to chase.People all have dreams,however not
everybody is able to achieve the dream,and because of desire,people learn to
change themselves.
I do not want to discuss if the America Civil
War was right or wrong,it was already the history.The slavery was prevalent
for over 200 years,people all knew it was unfair and undemocratic.In the end,
the reason why the northern army finally decided to begin the war was the lack
of labors of factories,while the South owned a large number of slaveries who
have the potential to become free labors.And after the Emancipation was
written during the Civil War,the reason why lots of slaveries ran away and joined
the northern army risking their lives and helped the North to finally win was that
they want the freedom.The North desired more benefits,while the slaveries
desired the freedom.The northern army won the bloody Civil War,and the
America history was changed-the slaveries were set free.And now when we look
at the war,the result is relatively positive-everyone in the U.S.has got a
relatively racial equality and freedom.
As it is said,to change is to risk
something.People never know a change is positive or negative,but “desire”
does have the strength.Desire is able to motivate people to change themselves,
to change people around them,the history,and even the world.
英語人氣:622 ℃時(shí)間:2020-02-15 13:29:15
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