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  • 請幫我看一下雅思大作文,感激不盡,評分與修改,

    請幫我看一下雅思大作文,感激不盡,評分與修改,
    我又來了,這回是文章,上回抱歉啊,太匆忙了,請幫我看看
    There has been a debate about whether young people should go out for work or having trip for a year before entering the university.Some people maintain that young students should train themselves regarding social experiences and widen their knowledge at that age.The trend has both benefit and drawbacks.
    Young people find a job or take a trip at such an age may not be unwise.They are still a child that can not identify the negative of society.Therefore young students may easily be cheated.On the other hand,after experienced for a year in society,they may distracted the attention from the class,feeling not adapted to their new life in university.
    On the contrary,people who support the aspect believe that young students have the ability to face various social phenomenons.It provides a good opportunity for them to gain some experiences .Meanwhile,students can be surely widen their horizons and enhance the capacity of adjustment.Unlike students graduating from high school and staying at home have nothing to do.They enjoy the achievement of what they have done,and learn the process of earning money is hard.In a word,there are more advantages to propose youngsters should work or travel for a year.
    All in all,students can turn to be very mature after having worked for a year.There are both merits and demerits.But I firmly hold that youngsters should be encouraged to work or travel before they get to the university.
    in some countries young people are encourage to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.discuss the advantages and disadvantages gor young people who decide to do this.
    其他人氣:599 ℃時(shí)間:2020-06-15 22:01:29
    優(yōu)質(zhì)解答
    5.5
    有不少的語法錯(cuò)誤,如:Unlike students graduating from high school and staying at home have nothing to do.中沒有主語.
    段與段之間銜接不對應(yīng).第3段說PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT...,但是第二段中開頭并沒有說PEOPLE WHO AGAINST...
    題目要求寫ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGE
    那你的結(jié)構(gòu)很不清晰.
    寫這類題目,
    第一段應(yīng)該肯定有ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES (你寫了)
    第二段首句就應(yīng)該馬上很明確的指出有ADVANTAGES(你沒寫),然后在補(bǔ)充有什么具體的ADVANTAGES
    第三段同上(寫的是DISADVANTAGES)
    而第四段你雖然指出了同意 work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies的觀點(diǎn).但是寫了不夠好,應(yīng)該進(jìn)一步提出:雖然這個(gè)現(xiàn)象有好有不好,但是只要我們minimise the nagative effects,對年輕人還是很有好處了.
    建議你做題前認(rèn)認(rèn)真真審好題,定好結(jié)構(gòu)再下筆.
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