The World's Greatest Swordsman
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
世界上最偉大的擊劍手
在一場世界最佳擊劍手表演中,排名第三的擊劍手上場了.一只蒼蠅放了出來,劍劃了一個弧,他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半.觀眾歡呼起來.緊接著排名第二的人將一只蒼蠅切成了四半.現(xiàn)場一陣沉默,人們期盼著世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場.
他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來－－然而那只昆蟲還在繼續(xù)飛行!觀眾被驚呆了.最偉大的擊劍手完全錯過了他的目標,然而他還在微笑著.
“你為什么這么高興?”有人嚷道,“你沒擊中!”
“啊,”劍手答道,“你剛才沒有很仔細地看.蒼蠅還活著,是的－－但他永遠也做不成爸爸了.”
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A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞錯了
一位美國人,一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場車禍中喪生.他們到達天堂的門口.在那里,醉醺醺的圣彼德解釋說是搞錯了.“每人給我五百美元,”他說,“我將把你們送回人間,就象什么都沒有發(fā)生過一樣.”
“成交!”美國人說.立刻,他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己毫不損傷地站在現(xiàn)場附近.
“其他人在哪兒?”一名醫(yī)生問道.
“我離開之前,”那名美國人說,“我看見英格蘭人正在砍價,而那名加拿大人正在分辯說應該由他的政府來出這筆錢.”
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Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
豬還是女巫
一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車,一個女人相向駕車而來.他們相遇時,那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到：“豬!”那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道：“女巫!”他們繼續(xù)前行.這個男的在下一個路口轉(zhuǎn)彎時,撞上了路中間的一頭豬.要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了.
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Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
答問技巧
衣阿華州奧格根的一位牧師正在與一位教友為一杯咖啡而猜硬幣.別人問他那是否構(gòu)成賭博行為時,牧師答道：“這僅僅是決定由誰來做一件善事的一種科學方法.”
當我人問哲學家羅素是否愿意為了他的信仰而獻身時,他答道：“當然不會.畢竟,我可能會是錯的.”
一份報紙組織了一場競賽,為下面的問題征集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火,而你只能救出一幅畫,你將救出哪一幅?”
獲獎的答案是：“最接近門口的那一幅.”
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Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
偉大的獵手Jonesie
有個小村莊正為一只吃人的獅子而煩惱.于是,村長派人去請偉大的獵手Jonesie來殺死這只野獸.
獵手躺著等了幾個晚上,但獅子一直沒有出現(xiàn).最后,他要求村長殺只羊然后把頭皮給他.把羊皮披在身上后,獵人到草原上去等獅子.
半夜,村民被從草原傳來的聲嘶力竭的尖叫聲驚醒.他們小心地靠近后,看到獵手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟.沒有獅子出沒的蛛絲馬跡.
“Jonesie,怎么了?獅子在哪?”村長問.
“哪有獅子!”獵人怒吼道,“哪個傻瓜把公牛放出來了?”
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Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天氣預報
一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作.一天,一個印度老人到導演跟前告訴導演說"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又來告訴導演說,"明天有風暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"導演說.他告訴秘書雇傭該印度人來預報天氣.
幾次預報都很成功.然后,接下來的兩周,印度人不見了.
最后,導演派人去把他叫來了."我明天必須拍一個很大的場景,"導演說,"這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?"
印度人聳了聳肩."我不知道,"印度人說,"收音機壞了."
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I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表現(xiàn)得象位女士
一天,遠東百貨公司的女裝大減價,一位高貴的中年男士想給太太買一件.可是,沒過多久,他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己已被瘋狂的女人沖得踉踉蹌蹌.
他竭力忍耐著.后來,他低下頭,揮動座的前輩.
2、This century most expensive commodity is talent.
“21世紀什么最貴?人才!
3、An organization without discipline.
“有組織,無紀律.”
4、First my gaze toward the moon, but the moon shines on the ditch.
“我本一心向明月,奈何明月照溝渠”
Who knows me understand my needs, I’m a mystery to he who know me not .
“真是知我者謂我心憂,不知我者謂我何求啊”
5、I can’t stand you armed robber types, no technical skills what so ever.
“我最討厭你們這些劫匪了,一點技術(shù)含量都沒有.”
6、I can reliably inform you that, uncle lee is very angry. The consequences will be severe.
“我可以很負責地告訴你,黎叔很生氣,后果很嚴重.”
7、I was reckless, I was reckless,never thought that girl would play me.
“大意呀,大意呀,想不到被一丫頭片子玩兒了.”
Father's Things
When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howard's clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.
Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.
One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Tom's clothes very carefully.
Then he said angrily, "Isn't that one of my ties, Tom?"
"Yes, Father, it is," answered Tom.
"And that shirt's mine too."
"Yes, that's yours too," answered Tom.
"And you're wearing my belt!" said Mr. Howard.
"Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You don't want your trousers to fall down, do you?"
父親的東西
湯姆.霍德華十七歲的時候,長得和父親一樣高了,于是當他晚上和朋友一起出去時,就開始借父親的衣服穿.
霍德華先生可不喜歡這樣,當他發(fā)現(xiàn)他的兒子穿他的衣服時,總是非常生氣.
一天晚上,湯姆下樓準備出去,父親在門廳里攔住了他.他細細打量著湯姆的穿著.
然后他氣呼呼地說：“湯姆,那不是我的一條領(lǐng)帶嗎?”
湯姆回答說：“是的,父親,是你的領(lǐng)帶.”
“還有那襯衫也是我的.”
“是的,襯衫也是你的.”湯姆回答說.
“還有呢,你連皮帶也用我的.”霍德華先生說.
“是的,父親,”湯姆回答說,“你不愿意讓你的褲子掉下來吧?”