A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢(qián).
“昨天給你的錢(qián)干什么了?”
“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆,”他回答說(shuō). “你真是個(gè)好孩子,”媽媽驕傲地說(shuō).“再給你兩分錢(qián).可你為什么對(duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢?”
“她是個(gè)賣(mài)糖果的.”
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告訴
(2) nest n.窩；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓勵(lì)
(5) resemble v. 相似；類(lèi)似
18.鳥(niǎo)窩與頭發(fā)
我姐姐是一位小學(xué)老師.一次一個(gè)學(xué)生告訴她說(shuō)一只鳥(niǎo)兒在教室外 的樹(shù)上壘了個(gè)窩.
“是什么鳥(niǎo)呢?”我姐姐問(wèn)她.
“我沒(méi)看到鳥(niǎo)兒,老師,只看到鳥(niǎo)窩.”那孩子回答說(shuō).
“那么,你能給我們描述一下這個(gè)鳥(niǎo)巢嗎?”我姐姐鼓勵(lì)她道.
“哦,老師,就像你的頭發(fā)一樣.”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因?yàn)槲覄傄Я俗约旱纳囝^. 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式.
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
“我們有毒嗎?”一個(gè)年幼的蛇問(wèn)它的母親.
“是的,親愛(ài)的,”她回答說(shuō),“你問(wèn)這個(gè)干什么?”
“因?yàn)槲覄倓傄谱约旱纳囝^.”
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車(chē).接近門(mén)口,一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過(guò)來(lái),沒(méi)想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳,仰面滑倒了.她的慣性使她接近了我的腳.我正準(zhǔn)備扶她,她卻自己爬了起來(lái).她鎮(zhèn)定了一下,對(duì)我擠了一下眉,說(shuō)道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎?”
英語(yǔ)笑話（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子會(huì)和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能會(huì)直接的想到它們倆是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以長(zhǎng)跳蚤,而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子.這個(gè)答案很有意思吧?
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了農(nóng)夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定會(huì)生氣的；而如果你踩了農(nóng)夫腳底的雞眼,他會(huì)更生氣.Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“雞眼”的意思.
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因?yàn)閟nail（蝸牛）的后背上總是背著一所房子,所以說(shuō)蝸牛是世界上最強(qiáng)壯的生物是不足為奇的.你說(shuō)呢?
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces這個(gè)短語(yǔ),你可千萬(wàn)別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀!因?yàn)槌诉@個(gè)意思以外,它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面.
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎樣才能不讓夢(mèng)游者（sleepwalker）夢(mèng)游（walk in his sleep）呢?最簡(jiǎn)單的方法就是不讓他睡覺(jué).雖然這不是治療方法,但如果讓夢(mèng)游者醒著呢,他的確就不會(huì)去夢(mèng)游了.
英語(yǔ)笑話（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個(gè)大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人.
-- 他真是一個(gè)大人物.干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人.
英語(yǔ)笑話（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的
一位中國(guó)老婦人在美國(guó)看望女兒回來(lái)不久,到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元.在銀行柜臺(tái),銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票,看是否有假.
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩,最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說(shuō)：“相信我,先生,也請(qǐng)你相信這些鈔票.這都是真正的美元,它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的.”
英語(yǔ)笑話（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識(shí)字
布朗夫人：哦,
親愛(ài)的,我把珍愛(ài)的小狗給丟了!
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報(bào)紙上登廣告啊!
布朗夫人：沒(méi)有用的,我的小狗不認(rèn)識(shí)字.”
英語(yǔ)笑話（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
給我那個(gè)打贏的吧
-- 服務(wù)員,
這個(gè)龍蝦只有一只爪.
-- 對(duì)不起,先生,這只肯定打過(guò)架了.
-- 哦, 那給我那個(gè)打贏的吧.
英語(yǔ)笑話（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請(qǐng)客
一個(gè)出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了.他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說(shuō)：“你上到五樓,找中間那個(gè)門(mén),然后用你的胳膊肘按門(mén)鈴.門(mén)開(kāi)了之后,再用你的腳把門(mén)推開(kāi).”
“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“你的雙手得拿禮物啊.天哪,你總不會(huì)空著手來(lái)吧?”吝嗇鬼回答.