焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)劉蘭芝Lunch(Lforshort)
　　焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)劉母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
　　太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)強(qiáng)盜Burglars(ABandC)
　　Prologue
　　(J作被打狀跑上臺(tái),內(nèi)砸出一卷紙筒,J被打中,狼狽不堪)
　　J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小聲)whilemy
　　wifeisWuSong.
　　(指著上臺(tái)處的門(mén)大聲道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
　　(內(nèi)砸出一臉盆,J接住當(dāng)成盾牌護(hù)著頭)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
　　MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
　　smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
　　thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
　　(內(nèi)又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中J)
　　MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)
　　Act1
　　(序幕結(jié)束時(shí),JM作竊聽(tīng)狀)
　　JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
　　(對(duì)門(mén)內(nèi))Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
　　L(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門(mén)內(nèi)跳出來(lái)):I’mhere!What’supmum?
　　JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
　　dearestmother-in-law”.
　　L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
　　JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
　　lazy……
　　L:But……
　　JM:Neverinterruptme!
　　L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
　　daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
　　and……
　　JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
　　L(生氣地?fù)]動(dòng)著鍋鏟):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(開(kāi)始解圍裙)Goandaskyour
　　son.I’mleaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在JM的臉上,下)
　　Act2
　　(LM坐在臺(tái)上打毛線,L拿著鍋鏟上)
　　L:Mum,I’mback!
　　LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
　　L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.
　　LM(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災(zāi)樂(lè)禍的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
　　marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
　　tome.Lookatyourself……
　　L:But,mum……
　　LM:Neverinterruptme!
　　L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And
　　I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
　　LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
　　Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
　　andtellhim.(下)
　　L(驚愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的鍋
　　鏟掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)
　　Act3
　　(J睡眼惺忪上)
　　J(邊走邊道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
　　(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)Heretheyare!(聞一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
　　(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
　　(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來(lái))Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(撿起地上的圍
　　裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
　　shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.
　　JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
　　J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
　　JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
　　girl,goandtakeherback!
　　J(立正敬禮):Yesmadam!
　　Act4
　　(J開(kāi)心地走著,忽然跳出來(lái)三個(gè)強(qiáng)盜)
　　A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
　　Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)
　　B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)
　　C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石頭,但踩到了A的腳)
　　AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
　　J(搜遍了每一個(gè)口袋,掏出1角硬幣):Is1maoenough?
　　(三強(qiáng)盜暈倒?fàn)?接著三人聚在一邊商量)
　　A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
　　B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
　　C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand
　　robthewedding!
　　A&B:Goodidea!
　　J(驚訝):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
　　AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
　　J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
　　(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
　　withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.
　　B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
　　J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脫下鞋子從里面摸出一張支票,上書(shū)＄1,000,000)
　　Act5
　　(轉(zhuǎn)眼已到了婚禮之期．MS意氣風(fēng)發(fā)用紅綢牽著新娘上,J蓋著紅蓋頭極不情愿地被拉上臺(tái))
　　(J和三強(qiáng)盜躍至臺(tái)中)
　　ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
　　A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
　　B:AndIplantedonetree.
　　C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
　　J:Giveusallyourmoney!
　　(L聽(tīng)到J的聲音,掀起了蓋頭)
　　L(驚喜萬(wàn)分):Johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到J的身邊并躲到了的身后)
　　(MS大怒,揮拳向J打來(lái)．J矮身一躲,MS打中了J身后的L,L暈倒)
　　J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（揮拳向MS沖去）
　　(J與MS混戰(zhàn),JM上,以拐杖擊暈MS)
　　(J將MS胸前的新郎標(biāo)志扯下戴在自己胸前)
　　J(扶起L,關(guān)切地問(wèn)):Honey,howareyou?
　　L(哭狀):Ihurtalot!
　　J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
　　L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
　　(音樂(lè)起 CanYouCelebrate)