第一行,doubtED.
……
看了幾行不再細(xì)看,你基本上沒有大的語法錯誤,這方面很不錯滴;但是就這篇文章本身來說,論證結(jié)構(gòu)有點(diǎn)點(diǎn)單一,指代雖然正確但是用法還可以酌量減少.過多的指代會混亂主題喲~(其中劉翔教練的那句,到底你想是it 還是that,明明就是同一個~這個在SAT語法里面我就直接算是錯的了)詞匯方面非常龐大(你是不是背了紅寶之后寫的?),不過寫作很多時(shí)候不是拼詞匯量,而是盡量精確的用法.這篇文章仔細(xì)看之后請修改下是全篇時(shí)態(tài)一致(剛掃到最后一點(diǎn)And Liu has won ...gold medal.在前不接村后不著店的情況下,用過去式就可以了,撐死了加一個already表示已經(jīng)).
第一行出現(xiàn)的boring,情感的方面固然蠻到位,但是無法避免情緒化之嫌,不夠dispassionate,顯得基調(diào)不夠客觀;另外,就每段來說,論點(diǎn)過小,感覺每段都在將一樣的話重復(fù).如果你不想大幅修改全文,可以在開頭稍微講一下這個事件的始末,使你的論據(jù)援引的各種細(xì)節(jié)有跡可循.
請大家?guī)臀倚薷囊幌逻@邊英文小作文,關(guān)于劉翔受傷.
請大家?guī)臀倚薷囊幌逻@邊英文小作文,關(guān)于劉翔受傷.
These days some boring netizens doubt
that Liu Xiang deliberately fell in the race just because the
announcer had made prediction before Liu Xiang's match.
I totally can't agree with them.I think it’s
common that the announcer will make a variety of prediction for the outcome of
the match and this is not only for Liu Xiang's completion this time.Liu
Xiang's coach placed the message of foot injury on the public,not isolating it
from everyone but merely telling that to the announcer.
Moreover,why can't the announcer be moved
by the behavior that Liu Xiang ran to the end point with one leg even though the
announcer had mode the prediction?Why can't the announcer have true feeling
towards him?This idea what is he cry just because he had already plan to cry
is also very sloppy.
At least,Liu Xiang didn't quit the match
with the acquaintance of his foot injury which was just like 2008.And Liu has
won lots of world championships in addition to Olympic gold medal.All these
can prove that he is an excellent athlete,who deserves to be respected.So I
don't think Liu deliberately fell in the race.And I call this kind of
people conspiracy theorists,who’d like to turn easy matters into complicated
ones.
These days some boring netizens doubt
that Liu Xiang deliberately fell in the race just because the
announcer had made prediction before Liu Xiang's match.
I totally can't agree with them.I think it’s
common that the announcer will make a variety of prediction for the outcome of
the match and this is not only for Liu Xiang's completion this time.Liu
Xiang's coach placed the message of foot injury on the public,not isolating it
from everyone but merely telling that to the announcer.
Moreover,why can't the announcer be moved
by the behavior that Liu Xiang ran to the end point with one leg even though the
announcer had mode the prediction?Why can't the announcer have true feeling
towards him?This idea what is he cry just because he had already plan to cry
is also very sloppy.
At least,Liu Xiang didn't quit the match
with the acquaintance of his foot injury which was just like 2008.And Liu has
won lots of world championships in addition to Olympic gold medal.All these
can prove that he is an excellent athlete,who deserves to be respected.So I
don't think Liu deliberately fell in the race.And I call this kind of
people conspiracy theorists,who’d like to turn easy matters into complicated
ones.
英語人氣:730 ℃時(shí)間:2019-07-15 18:21:37
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