Getting an Announcement
Well,you're not invited -- but the bride and groom want you to know about it.Don't get mortally offended off the bat -- if these are close friends,they may have chosen to have an intimate family wedding and so couldn't invite all their friends.If it's not such a close friend,or it's a business associate,don't feel obligated to send a gift.It's a nice gesture to send a personal note of congratulations,but even that is not automatically expected.
The Gift
Always plan on sending a gift when you accept a wedding invitation.If you can't make the wedding,it's still nice to send a gift,but you won't be committing a major faux pas if you don't.At the least,send a congratulatory card before the wedding -- better yet,take the couple (or your friend the bride) out to dinner to celebrate with them sometime soon.
Technically,you have up to a year after the wedding date to send a gift,but it makes sense to shop for a gift soon after you decide you'll go.Find out where the couple is registered -- ask the bride's mother or sister,the honor attendant,or the couple themselves.Don't expect this information to be included in the invitation (except for shower invites) -- you're supposed to ask them about it.
The wedding gift should be sent to the address the couple has given their registry -- don't bring it with you to the reception.While this is still the custom in some regions,gifts at the wedding mean the couple has to worry about security,making sure cards stay with boxes,and getting them home somehow after the reception.(Also,you have to lug it along with you that day.) If you're also invited to the shower,bring the gift with you to that party.
You don't have to get the couple a gift from their registry,of course -- but the upside is that they've chosen these items themselves,so you know they want and like them.If you have another,special idea for a gift,by all means go for it -- but still send or bring it to the couple's home instead of handing it to them on wedding day.(If you're not having a package mailed through a store,make sure to insure the box against damage.) If you want to give the couple a money,make your check payable to the bride or groom if you're sending it before the wedding (use the bride's maiden name),to both of them if you give it to them on wedding day or after.
If you still haven't received a thank-you note a month after the gift was sent,it's okay to call and ask if it got there.(You might first call the store to confirm that the gift was in fact delivered -- the couple might just be behind on their acknowledgements!)
What to Wear
Dress as you would for any other social event held at the hour and during the season of the wedding.For example,if it's a spring brunch or luncheon,a pretty suit or floral dress would be appropriate for women; a light-colored suit and/or shirt and tie for men.For evening,depending on how formal the wedding is (you can usually tell this from the formality of the invitation and/or where the wedding is being held),the dress code is cocktail dresses for women and darker suits (or tuxedos,if it's a black-tie affair) for men.Don't wear anything too flashy -- sequins are probably a no-no -- and remember that if the ceremony is at a religious site,you don't want to show too much skin,either (i.e.,shoulders should be covered).
Black used to be taboo for weddings,but these days a black dress is perfect for evening,just as it is for a night at the opera.Female wedding guests should not wear white -- it's really,really not polite to take away from the bride on her special day by wearing her color.Try to avoid off-white and ivory,too,if at all possible.It's not as if you don't own or can't buy something another color,right?
The Ceremony
You should get to the ceremony on time -- this is not a party to be