不知道上面兩位仁兄是怎么給出這個評價的,我11月底剛考完托福,寫作25,綜合和獨立都是GOOD.
單就你這篇獨立來說,最多最多是個fair(2.5-3.5),如果你的綜合寫作能得滿分,有那么一點可能上到25,如果綜合你得不了滿分,那寫作部分分數(shù)不會高.
原因:
1.我只看了前面一點,結構方面的問題不多說,但是就這一點里已經(jīng)有不少錯誤了.想得高分,一定要注意細節(jié).ETS的確是允許有一些錯誤的,但是那些錯誤一般是由于臨考時的筆誤或者偶有不慎的語法問題.
舉個例子:spend more money for public transportation
你在哪里看到過 spend …… for …… 的用法嗎?spend搭配on或in是固定的,你用個for,句意大家都明白,但是會顯得你的語言運用非常隨意,沒有規(guī)矩.而且短短第一段里連用兩個spend,難道你沒有其他同義詞可用?那你的語言積累是在不夠.
再說一個地方:
Nowadays,automobiles are rampant everywhere,and it causes serious traffic jam in the busy hours.
后邊的it指代誰?automobiles?那為什么忽然變單數(shù)了?如果把 and it 改成 which ,既改正了錯誤,語法又顯得更高級一些,但是你沒有這樣用,說明你還完全沒有這樣的意識.
類似的錯誤在你的文章里很多,這些錯誤過于低級,是因為在寫作過程中不求甚解不顧細節(jié)造成的,態(tài)度問題.
2.缺乏較復雜的語法運用.前兩天剛有一個共同備考托福的網(wǎng)友問我他的獨立寫作感覺很不錯為什么才得了fair.他寫了450字左右,我以前也看過他寫的東西,句子通順,很少有明顯的語法錯誤,但是他很少使用虛擬、倒裝這些東西.你想想,字數(shù)400左右、句子通順、結構完整、有論點有細節(jié),這些都是最基本的要求,大家都能做到.如果別人同時還運用了很多復雜的句子結構而你沒有使用,你怎么可能拿到高分?
一篇文章里,強調句、倒裝句、虛擬語氣、the more the more 句型、并列結構、比較關系 這些都應該有所包含,比如倒裝句,用習慣了是很簡單的,我現(xiàn)在寫一篇文章很自然的可以用到五六處倒裝.有人說現(xiàn)實生活里根本沒人這么說話寫文章,這都是廢話,你這是現(xiàn)實生活嗎?你這是托福考試.看看GRE,一個長句子能有四五十個字,所有能省略的結構全都省略了,ETS組織一大幫老師坐在一起研究怎么把N句話合并成一句,有正常人會那么說話嗎?但是考試里就會有.
關于語法,我建議你看看這個叫 英語語法網(wǎng) 的網(wǎng)站.你要是覺得我在做廣告,那你就別看:
說的比較直,良藥苦口
誰能幫我評一下托福作文,
誰能幫我評一下托福作文,
There are a lot of issues about if governments spend money on public transportation or highways.As far as I'm concerned,I think governments should spend more money for public transportation because it can avoid air pollution,reduce traffic jam and save our money.
A large amount of investment on public transportation such as bus or subway can avoid air pollution.As everyone knows that,the carbon monoxide which was brought from automobile is very harmful not only for human but also for animals and plants.Nowadays,people is being aware of environment because it is really getting worse.Thus,if government spend money on public transportation,it will make people take a bus or subway instead of driving a car,and it can reduce carbon monoxide in the air and avoid the air pollution.
If government spend money on improving public transportation,it also can reduce traffic jam.Nowadays,automobiles are rampant everywhere,and it causes serious traffic jam in the busy hours.It is the worst thing that being blocked in the middle of the way to work.It cost lots of times and also may cause some more accidents.In these reasons,the public transportation is very important.Thanks to the improved public transportation,more people would by bus or subway to go to work and it would reduce traffic jam.
Through governments' investment to the public transportation,the ticket for public transportation may being cheaper.Take Beijing for example.When Beijing was holding olympic games,in order to make more people use public transportation,government improved public transportation and reduced the price of tickets for the bus and subways.I felt happy at that time because I could take bus for lower price.In my opinion,if the government invest more money to the public transportation and reduce its fee,it may help many poor people and students save money.
As I listed before,I think governments should spend money on improving public transportation rather than on highways because the improved public transportation can bring us less air pollution,reduced traffic jam and saving money.
水平差,別笑話我昂.
哪位大俠能幫我隨便估算一下分數(shù)呀.謝啦.
There are a lot of issues about if governments spend money on public transportation or highways.As far as I'm concerned,I think governments should spend more money for public transportation because it can avoid air pollution,reduce traffic jam and save our money.
A large amount of investment on public transportation such as bus or subway can avoid air pollution.As everyone knows that,the carbon monoxide which was brought from automobile is very harmful not only for human but also for animals and plants.Nowadays,people is being aware of environment because it is really getting worse.Thus,if government spend money on public transportation,it will make people take a bus or subway instead of driving a car,and it can reduce carbon monoxide in the air and avoid the air pollution.
If government spend money on improving public transportation,it also can reduce traffic jam.Nowadays,automobiles are rampant everywhere,and it causes serious traffic jam in the busy hours.It is the worst thing that being blocked in the middle of the way to work.It cost lots of times and also may cause some more accidents.In these reasons,the public transportation is very important.Thanks to the improved public transportation,more people would by bus or subway to go to work and it would reduce traffic jam.
Through governments' investment to the public transportation,the ticket for public transportation may being cheaper.Take Beijing for example.When Beijing was holding olympic games,in order to make more people use public transportation,government improved public transportation and reduced the price of tickets for the bus and subways.I felt happy at that time because I could take bus for lower price.In my opinion,if the government invest more money to the public transportation and reduce its fee,it may help many poor people and students save money.
As I listed before,I think governments should spend money on improving public transportation rather than on highways because the improved public transportation can bring us less air pollution,reduced traffic jam and saving money.
水平差,別笑話我昂.
哪位大俠能幫我隨便估算一下分數(shù)呀.謝啦.
其他人氣:128 ℃時間:2020-06-13 00:22:01
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