緊急...幫我看看這篇文章有沒(méi)有什么語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤.
Long long ago,I had a dream to make a swing in my bedroom.Now,I am glad because it has come true.
On National Day,my family moved into a new house,so I can realize the dream by this chance.My father and I made the swing together.We went shopping for wood and rope.In the end,we did it ourselves succussfully.Consequently,after finishing it,we got a huge sense of achievement and satisfaction.The swing,I like it very much.
The swing reminds me of my childhood.Of course,the time in my heart was soft and sweet.When I was a little child,I always went around with a group of elder brothers and sisters.They took me outside to be close to the nature.We chased butterflies and dragonflies,we waded across rivers and streams.It made me happy.I never forget the time that we tied a rope to the tree and used it as a swing.We played on the swing and laughed all the time.Our world ,surrounded by warm sunshine,lovely animals,green trees,and beautiful flowers,happy with the voices and laughter.But now,the time was gone.It can never come back again.
When we are growing up,we become busy.It difficult for us to enjoy the time as what it looks like in our childhood.Obviously we are losing more and more innocence.But ,perhaps we can still keep childlike innocence,have a small simple dream,like a song sings"I was a little girl alone in my little world,who dreamed of a little home for me.I played pretend between the trees,and fed my houseguests bark and leaves,and laughed in my pretty bed of green.I had a dream that I could fly the highest swing."
Some dreams are big,while others are small.For me,the simple dream and beauutiful memory can make me forget all my problems.They help me relax myself.
如上.這是下周一要做的presentation.
要求：
請(qǐng)大家?guī)兔纯从袥](méi)有什么語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤.
或者時(shí)態(tài)上用得對(duì)不對(duì).
還有就是句子、段落之間連貫、通順不?
還有就是結(jié)尾了,我感覺(jué)不知道該如何結(jié)束,所以,順便大家也幫我補(bǔ)充補(bǔ)充哈.
如果在presentation的開(kāi)頭要說(shuō)這篇文的topic的話(huà),那該歸納成什么呢?childlike innocence?還是a simple dream?或者是the swing?
出現(xiàn)錯(cuò)誤或是不連貫的地方,請(qǐng)幫我修改一下.