其實(shí)作為一個(gè)高中生你的作文寫得相當(dāng)有水平. 我就提幾點(diǎn)吧, 首先你可以用notorious代替well-known, 表示臭名昭著的.
其次, 第三行的selfish是形容詞, 應(yīng)該改為名詞形式selfishness或者selfish behaviour 自私行為.
再就是, 第二句, to everyone's surprise, the teacher should have left all his students...這句話你用了should have left, 在這里表示虛擬語氣. 翻譯成中文就是, 他本應(yīng)該丟下他的學(xué)生...這就與你要表達(dá)的意思相悖了. 建議你直接用left.
然后就是, not only...but also...那里, but also 后面應(yīng)該再跟一個(gè)have, 然后接賓語, 或者你可以改成a qualified teacher should have not only a goodcommand of teaching, but also an enthusiastic attitude to all his beloved students.
not only和but also 后跟的成分一定要對等
另外就是我覺得你的should... 應(yīng)該怎么怎么樣用得多了點(diǎn), 會引起一點(diǎn)視覺疲乏.
其實(shí)你可以變換一個(gè)句型
比如in my opinion那段, 你前面用了一個(gè)should... 后面的句子可以改為
It's very important 或者 it's of great importance for him to be responsible for all the students he teaches and regards them as his own children.
what's more后面那句話我覺得再添加點(diǎn)東西更好, 老師應(yīng)該和藹可親, 能夠原諒他犯錯(cuò)的學(xué)生(并且讓他明白他錯(cuò)在哪)而不是立馬懲罰他.
He should be amiable and forgive his student who has made mistakes and let him understand wherein he's mistaken instead of...
mistaken在這里作形容詞, 表示錯(cuò)了
另外我覺得forgive前的can可以去掉
forgive與be 共用一個(gè)情態(tài)動詞should 應(yīng)該
最后, he should be an honest person. 他應(yīng)該是個(gè)誠實(shí)的人. 我覺得我會用has to be強(qiáng)調(diào)一下, 他得是個(gè)誠實(shí)的人.
你的文章很不錯(cuò), 真的很不錯(cuò), 說實(shí)話, 我都不能保證我能寫得像你這么好, 這些只是個(gè)人愚見.