首先第一段要直接點(diǎn)不要用ART,因?yàn)殡m然MUSIC是ART的一部分,但是老外的思維是直接的不會(huì)再去繞個(gè)彎的
第二段說(shuō)到MUSIC 的作用.不能直接舉例子,要先說(shuō)到音樂(lè)有醫(yī)療作用,然后再舉例,這和中文一樣中心句論點(diǎn)論據(jù) 音樂(lè)可以提高工作效率 舉例說(shuō)明 下同
第三段變成說(shuō)其他事情可以代替緩解壓力了,但是題目是說(shuō)有些人認(rèn)為音樂(lè)只是一種娛樂(lè)
總結(jié)段用了好多個(gè)第一人稱,記住雅思作文能不用第一人稱盡量不用,你如果用a way for 就全部都用不要一會(huì)兒時(shí)ONE OF WAYS,最后一句說(shuō)的也不好和題目有出入,題目是說(shuō)音樂(lè)對(duì)社會(huì)很重要或者是音樂(lè)是一種娛樂(lè)
總之你審題得審好了,不然偏題絕對(duì)不會(huì)到6的,大作文就是要求你的邏輯清晰,有論據(jù)證明你的論點(diǎn),然后才是句子結(jié)構(gòu),語(yǔ)法,用詞
批改一下雅思作文
批改一下雅思作文
Topic:Some people think music plays an important role in society.Others think it is it is simply a form of entertainment.Discuss both sides of this argument and give your own opinion.
In many parts of the world,art is inextricably associated with the whole community.Specifically,people cave sculptures in honer of great people who contribute to human's progress,or painted records bits and pieces of life.Among these art forms,music enjoys wide popular affections.
Many people find music is indispensable for the society,for instance,numerous psychiatric hospitals use it as a cure tool;when people listen some soft music,they will feel relax and become activity again after hard wording all day;even in the factories,leaders play music to help employees work more efficiently.What's more,music has long been an expression of people from different cultures around the world.However,no matter how much it may have differed in disparity parts,it seems that music served a general society purpose:to bring people together.
Those who feel that music is just a type of amusement might argue that it can be replaced by any of recreational activities.There seems to be some likelihood that people can release their working pressure by sports,at the same time,it can strong their body either.In the same way,having afternoon tea is a great diversion for people,they could chat with each other at a light environment,in this way,stress will disappear unconsciously.
Personally,I think that music is the perfect art and our lives would be that much less complete without it,it is one of the ways we make sense of our lives,one of the ways in which we express feeling when we have no words,a way for us to understand things with our hearts when we can't with our minds.So,in my opinion music is both important to individual and society.
語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤?邏輯改進(jìn)?大概分?jǐn)?shù)?
Topic:Some people think music plays an important role in society.Others think it is it is simply a form of entertainment.Discuss both sides of this argument and give your own opinion.
In many parts of the world,art is inextricably associated with the whole community.Specifically,people cave sculptures in honer of great people who contribute to human's progress,or painted records bits and pieces of life.Among these art forms,music enjoys wide popular affections.
Many people find music is indispensable for the society,for instance,numerous psychiatric hospitals use it as a cure tool;when people listen some soft music,they will feel relax and become activity again after hard wording all day;even in the factories,leaders play music to help employees work more efficiently.What's more,music has long been an expression of people from different cultures around the world.However,no matter how much it may have differed in disparity parts,it seems that music served a general society purpose:to bring people together.
Those who feel that music is just a type of amusement might argue that it can be replaced by any of recreational activities.There seems to be some likelihood that people can release their working pressure by sports,at the same time,it can strong their body either.In the same way,having afternoon tea is a great diversion for people,they could chat with each other at a light environment,in this way,stress will disappear unconsciously.
Personally,I think that music is the perfect art and our lives would be that much less complete without it,it is one of the ways we make sense of our lives,one of the ways in which we express feeling when we have no words,a way for us to understand things with our hearts when we can't with our minds.So,in my opinion music is both important to individual and society.
語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤?邏輯改進(jìn)?大概分?jǐn)?shù)?
其他人氣:803 ℃時(shí)間:2020-04-15 09:36:56
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